2009 Philosophy Capstone Seminar on the Philosophy of
camp (v): to sit with a baseball cap on backwards and become
oblivious to everything around you.
"Alex camps in Prof. Hight's class all the time; he
never knows what is being asked of him."
the messy disorganized side of an event
“Well, I know the conference went well, but on the leeward
side nothing went right.”
brandish (v): the act of aggressively refusing to
answer a question for fear of being wrong
“Joe brandished after Prof. Hight asked him to say what the
capital of Virginia is.”
chapith (adj): size and power challenged in the
electronic world; an unreasonably small computer
“Have you seen Joey’s chapith computer? It can’t even play
Houtzers (n): restaurant chain where all the waitresses wear khaki
shorts and have goatees with sideburns.
“Have you been to Houtzers lately? The hostesses started dyeing their
Miller time (adj): (1) any time when “That is just false!” seems to be
the right answer. (2) resistant to giving arguments for deeply held
“When Sue argued that solipsism is true it was Miller time for Joe!”
coopquery (n): a question only tangentially related to the topic of
conversation asked while nearly fully reclined in two small chairs.
“Joe cannot be bothered to read ahead, so he just slouches in class and
fires off coopqueries.
bohonic (n): the opposite of talkative.
“Despite all of the professor’s prodding, Joe is so bohonic that I am
not sure I’ve heard him utter more than two sentences.”
kimmik (n): a ‘special’ kind of person who refuses to recognize that the
Confederacy lost the war and that Republicans are fiscally irresponsible
while being morally bankrupt.
“Joe is such a kimmik; yesterday he swore that Jefferson Davis could
haven beaten Obama in the election.”
Grilliams (n): A brand of clothing featuring matching outfits that
always include a baseball cap but also always lack one vital element,
yet the people who buy the clothing never seem to recognize how odd it
“Joey is wearing Grilliams again, his shirt doesn’t have a left sleeve.
You’d think he’d notice that at some point.”
(adj): being stylish while expressing outrage at how others seem unable
to recognize how holism is obviously true.
“I did not know Joey was so boyo. Last week he was bashing Sue the econ
major for wearing a mini-skirt in January while asserting that
governments manipulate stock prices.”
andrish (adj): young or adolescent, unable to accept that Transformers
and other long dead fads are no longer cool
“Joey walks around with that andrish hat; you know, the one with the
decepticon on it.”
hightastic (adj): an insight so powerful and astounding that no one
actually believes it.
the Great Goat finally spoke to me in a dream and revealed that LMD’s
control the President, but my knowledge is so hightastic that the Secret
Service won’t take my calls!”
gregorian (adj): completely
and utterly uncharitable to any view besides your own
woodism (n): an argument
against anything that is only supported by the statement "because I
don't like it"
bohannistic (adj): to remain
mysteriously unbiased on any given argument
houtzer (n): an individual
who provides comic relief in the midst of heated discussion
hightnisitc (adj): to be
discretely offensive to students with the intention of stirring up
highttime (n): the extra time
that Hight keeps students every day after the bells ring
"Hight's amount of highttime today bordered on the ridiculous."
leeze (n): the sound made
when inhaling or exhaling loudly when frustrated or about to make a
"Lee let out a loud leeze after Seth's provocative statement."
campanomics (n): dumbfounded
look on a face after Hight asks someone anything about economics
"A look of campanomics came across Alex's face when asked about supply
hork (n): ridiculously large
amount of reading Hight expects of his students for each class
PW wear (n): outfit of shorts
(regardless of weather) and button down shirts tucked in with no belt,
popularized by P. Wilson and occasionally adopted by Hight.
"Hight had a hideous PW wear outfit today."
haggot (n): meaningless
utterance that comes out of Hight's mouth anytime he attempts to defend
"Hight's explanation of perspectivism today was full of haggots."
wood (n): an argument or
position that appeals to little baby Jesus
"A person once challenged my contention that materialism is false, so I
beat him with my wood."
kimmons (n): a person who
unjustifiably believes that he is owed money
"Tom is such a kimmons. I have no idea why he keeps hounding me for ten
hight (n): a person who
spends half of an argument tricking another person into holding
unfavorable positions only to provide the 'perfect answer' five minutes
indoctrinating a group of students
"John's presentation yesterday was hightastic; we all joined the quad-G
cult this morning."
bomo sapien (n): a
mythological sentient hominid known for singing Kumbaya and being the
product of its culture. Prone to altruism and communitarian behavior.
woodlands (n): a fictitious
place where everyone loves each other, has no self-interest, and where
all desires can be met without requiring any competition; frequently
populated by bomo sapiens
fear of Hights
gregorian chant (n):
monotonic, repetitive, and boring songs of the Church of Liberal
maun (v): synonym for 'pwn'
"John just mauned some noobs in Halo 3."
kimmon (v): to sterilize the
poor without remorse
"The US government, in cooperation with state authorities, plans to
kimmon the southside of the city to slow the population growth in poor
JC (v): to have to take a
sheetz every morning
hight (v): to lambaste
"The morale of the students was low after the highting they took the day
brandon (v): to reach the
zenith of thought and surpass Marxism.
"Man, in that paper he just brandoned."
hightatisticism (n): theory
which surpasses Marx in
"I was really glad that Obama finally turned the US to hightatisticism."
hightastic (n): a person who
believes in hightasticism
bohannonism (n): an
expression of disinterest and disgust at the thought of doing any work
"I fail to state my bohannonism openly, but instead utter them under my
brandon (v): holding a belief
vehemently and demanding proof from the opposition even in the face of
overwhelming superior argument.
"Kimmons brandons dualist metaphysics."
camp (v): being oblivious as
others ridicule your second major.
ChapSmi® (n): tiny laptop
computer that magically appears, is used under the pretense of taking
notes, but is mainly used for Facebook, IMing friends, or otherwise
coop-it-up (n): adopting a
physical stance in philosophy class similar to one adopted by the
Caesars and people relaxing in their homes
cooperian philosophy (n): the
opposite of whatever Hight says.
Fay (n): a fantastical
creature that can actually make sense of the claim that multiple
mutually exclusive propositions are true simultaneously.
hight face (n) gambling,
philosophy: ability to advance views diametrically opposed to your
own with a straight face and the passion of a true believer
"The hight face differs from the poker face in degree and relative
utility; the hight face is much more useful."
kimmole (kim*mo*lee) (n): an
obvious visceral visual or auditory response to a position presumed
incoherent, unpleasant, or ridiculous.
"Ontological relativism provokes kimmoles out of him faster than
anything else I have seen."
Kimmon's Rule (1) n/chess:
when moving, a bishop may occupy squares of the opposite color
(2) n/political philosophy: principle that the literal word of the law
must be followed and, if possible, exploited at the expense of the
spirit of the law
"According to Kimmon's Rule, I technically did not sign that
treaty....signature must be in pen."
(3) n/ethics: the Kantian categorical imperative "screw over whomever
you can, no matter the consequences."
marcatious (adj): having a
seemingly endless supply of energy and a remarkable ability to focus on
minute intellectual and gaming details.
mauney (n): a person made
into an object of abuse for the purposes of illustrating a point
hightastic (v): making a
reference to a song in all conversation
brandon (v): to make
reference to religious concepts to support an argument when in fact you
are only being tongue-in-cheek
marcetable (adj): exuding
large amounts of energy and bliss to everyone around you
(n): strong belief that, against all evidence, even though
self-interestedness is a non-falsifiable claim akin to believing in the
quad-G, it is still some 'deep truth'
borate (adj): being angry
when someone disagrees with you even though he agrees with you the other
90% of the time
bohannon (v): to refrain from
speaking, even though probably have something incredibly insightful to
bolayed (adj): brilliance
after the class is over
"The objection was absolutely brilliant, but bolayed because you did not
bring it up until after the class was over."
brandon (v): to hold
contradictory views rather than debate with Prof. Hight
inordinately happy about mundane and seemingly unimportant details
brandism (n): a very very
very very very strongly held belief
Houtz Principle (n): given
any event P, where P is the utterance of a proposition in a PHIL 413
course, there is a statistically significant chance that nihilism will
be brought up by a present student as a response; named after the famous
correlation noted between statements made by Prof. Hight and responses
by Will Houtz.
Gregorian Counter-Razor (n):
principle that states for any given proposition, one should seek to
multiply explanations as much as possible in a desire for maximal
clarity; named after its famous (but unintentional) formulator, Greg
fayntastic (adj): blithely
unaware of the weakness of one's own position in the face of charitable
greg (v): to say in many
words what can be said in many fewer in order to draw out an explanation
and confuse others
campalieto (adj): being
unafraid to spend the night in random academic buildings
philosopher (n): a being
capable of glorious enlightenment or cataclysmic deception
hight (n): a nickname for a
squirrell (n): state of bliss
that comes from ignorance; perk of being cute and funny
worry (n): the feeling you
get when you snap back to reality and realize that you have been
convinced to switch your major to philosophy by a guy who looks like he
is a member of the Taliban