May 21st, 2019

"Philosopher's Lexicon"

2009 Philosophy Capstone Seminar on the Philosophy of Social Science

camp (v): to sit with a baseball cap on backwards and become oblivious to everything around you.
     "Alex camps in Prof. Hight's class all the time; he never knows what is being asked of him."

leeward (adj): the messy disorganized side of an event
            “Well, I know the conference went well, but on the leeward side nothing went right.”

brandish (v): the act of aggressively refusing to answer a question for fear of being wrong
            “Joe brandished after Prof. Hight asked him to say what the capital of Virginia is.”

chapith (adj): size and power challenged in the electronic world; an unreasonably small computer
            “Have you seen Joey’s chapith computer? It can’t even play Doom!”

Houtzers (n): restaurant chain where all the waitresses wear khaki shorts and have goatees with sideburns.
“Have you been to Houtzers lately? The hostesses started dyeing their mustaches!”

Miller time (adj): (1) any time when “That is just false!” seems to be the right answer. (2) resistant to giving arguments for deeply held convictions
“When Sue argued that solipsism is true it was Miller time for Joe!”

coopquery (n): a question only tangentially related to the topic of conversation asked while nearly fully reclined in two small chairs.
“Joe cannot be bothered to read ahead, so he just slouches in class and fires off coopqueries.

bohonic (n): the opposite of talkative.
“Despite all of the professor’s prodding, Joe is so bohonic that I am not sure I’ve heard him utter more than two sentences.”

kimmik (n): a ‘special’ kind of person who refuses to recognize that the Confederacy lost the war and that Republicans are fiscally irresponsible while being morally bankrupt.
“Joe is such a kimmik; yesterday he swore that Jefferson Davis could haven beaten Obama in the election.”

Grilliams (n): A brand of clothing featuring matching outfits that always include a baseball cap but also always lack one vital element, yet the people who buy the clothing never seem to recognize how odd it is.
“Joey is wearing Grilliams again, his shirt doesn’t have a left sleeve. You’d think he’d notice that at some point.”

boyo (adj): being stylish while expressing outrage at how others seem unable to recognize how holism is obviously true.
“I did not know Joey was so boyo. Last week he was bashing Sue the econ major for wearing a mini-skirt in January while asserting that governments manipulate stock prices.”

andrish (adj): young or adolescent, unable to accept that Transformers and other long dead fads are no longer cool
“Joey walks around with that andrish hat; you know, the one with the decepticon on it.”

hightastic (adj): an insight so powerful and astounding that no one actually believes it.
“Gorgon the Great Goat finally spoke to me in a dream and revealed that LMD’s control the President, but my knowledge is so hightastic that the Secret Service won’t take my calls!”

gregorian (adj): completely and utterly uncharitable to any view besides your own

woodism (n): an argument against anything that is only supported by the statement "because I don't like it"

bohannistic (adj): to remain mysteriously unbiased on any given argument

houtzer (n): an individual who provides comic relief in the midst of heated discussion

hightnisitc (adj): to be discretely offensive to students with the intention of stirring up biased argument

highttime (n): the extra time that Hight keeps students every day after the bells ring
"Hight's amount of highttime today bordered on the ridiculous."

leeze (n): the sound made when inhaling or exhaling loudly when frustrated or about to make a point
"Lee let out a loud leeze after Seth's provocative statement."

campanomics (n): dumbfounded look on a face after Hight asks someone anything about economics
"A look of campanomics came across Alex's face when asked about supply and demand."

hork (n): ridiculously large amount of reading Hight expects of his students for each class

PW wear (n): outfit of shorts (regardless of weather) and button down shirts tucked in with no belt, popularized by P. Wilson and occasionally adopted by Hight.
"Hight had a hideous PW wear outfit today."

haggot (n): meaningless utterance that comes out of Hight's mouth anytime he attempts to defend philosophical relativism.
"Hight's explanation of perspectivism today was full of haggots."

wood (n): an argument or position that appeals to little baby Jesus
"A person once challenged my contention that materialism is false, so I beat him with my wood."

kimmons (n): a person who unjustifiably believes that he is owed money
"Tom is such a kimmons. I have no idea why he keeps hounding me for ten dollars."

hight (n): a person who spends half of an argument tricking another person into holding unfavorable positions only to provide the 'perfect answer' five minutes later.

hightastic (adj): indoctrinating a group of students
"John's presentation yesterday was hightastic; we all joined the quad-G cult this morning."

bomo sapien (n): a mythological sentient hominid known for singing Kumbaya and being the product of its culture. Prone to altruism and communitarian behavior.

woodlands (n): a fictitious place where everyone loves each other, has no self-interest, and where all desires can be met without requiring any competition; frequently populated by bomo sapiens

defendapositionaphobia (n): fear of Hights

gregorian chant (n): monotonic, repetitive, and boring songs of the Church of Liberal Individualism

maun (v): synonym for 'pwn'
"John just mauned some noobs in Halo 3."

kimmon (v): to sterilize the poor without remorse
"The US government, in cooperation with state authorities, plans to kimmon the southside of the city to slow the population growth in poor neighborhoods."

JC (v): to have to take a sheetz every morning

hight (v): to lambaste students
"The morale of the students was low after the highting they took the day before."

brandon (v): to reach the zenith of thought and surpass Marxism.
"Man, in that paper he just brandoned."

hightatisticism (n): theory which surpasses Marx in socio-politico-economic-historical-artistic-quizical-religious-and-grammatical thought
"I was really glad that Obama finally turned the US to hightatisticism."

hightastic (n): a person who believes in hightasticism

bohannonism (n): an expression of disinterest and disgust at the thought of doing any work at all
"I fail to state my bohannonism openly, but instead utter them under my breath."

brandon (v): holding a belief vehemently and demanding proof from the opposition even in the face of overwhelming superior argument.
"Kimmons brandons dualist metaphysics."

camp (v): being oblivious as others ridicule your second major.

ChapSmi® (n): tiny laptop computer that magically appears, is used under the pretense of taking notes, but is mainly used for Facebook, IMing friends, or otherwise wasting time.

coop-it-up (n): adopting a physical stance in philosophy class similar to one adopted by the Caesars and people relaxing in their homes

cooperian philosophy (n): the opposite of whatever Hight says.

Fay (n): a fantastical creature that can actually make sense of the claim that multiple mutually exclusive propositions are true simultaneously.

hight face (n) gambling, philosophy: ability to advance views diametrically opposed to your own with a straight face and the passion of a true believer
"The hight face differs from the poker face in degree and relative utility; the hight face is much more useful."

kimmole (kim*mo*lee) (n): an obvious visceral visual or auditory response to a position presumed incoherent, unpleasant, or ridiculous.
"Ontological relativism provokes kimmoles out of him faster than anything else I have seen."

Kimmon's Rule (1) n/chess: when moving, a bishop may occupy squares of the opposite color
(2) n/political philosophy: principle that the literal word of the law must be followed and, if possible, exploited at the expense of the spirit of the law
"According to Kimmon's Rule, I technically did not sign that treaty....signature must be in pen."
(3) n/ethics: the Kantian categorical imperative "screw over whomever you can, no matter the consequences."

marcatious (adj): having a seemingly endless supply of energy and a remarkable ability to focus on minute intellectual and gaming details.

mauney (n): a person made into an object of abuse for the purposes of illustrating a point

hightastic (v): making a reference to a song in all conversation

brandon (v): to make reference to religious concepts to support an argument when in fact you are only being tongue-in-cheek

marcetable (adj): exuding large amounts of energy and bliss to everyone around you

selfinterestednessophilia (n): strong belief that, against all evidence, even though self-interestedness is a non-falsifiable claim akin to believing in the quad-G, it is still some 'deep truth'

borate (adj): being angry when someone disagrees with you even though he agrees with you the other 90% of the time

bohannon (v): to refrain from speaking, even though probably have something incredibly insightful to say

bolayed (adj): brilliance after the class is over
"The objection was absolutely brilliant, but bolayed because you did not bring it up until after the class was over."

brandon (v): to hold contradictory views rather than debate with Prof. Hight

remarcable (adj): inordinately happy about mundane and seemingly unimportant details

brandism (n): a very very very very very strongly held belief

Houtz Principle (n): given any event P, where P is the utterance of a proposition in a PHIL 413 course, there is a statistically significant chance that nihilism will be brought up by a present student as a response; named after the famous correlation noted between statements made by Prof. Hight and responses by Will Houtz.

Gregorian Counter-Razor (n): principle that states for any given proposition, one should seek to multiply explanations as much as possible in a desire for maximal clarity; named after its famous (but unintentional) formulator, Greg Williams.

fayntastic (adj): blithely unaware of the weakness of one's own position in the face of charitable objections

greg (v): to say in many words what can be said in many fewer in order to draw out an explanation and confuse others

campalieto (adj): being unafraid to spend the night in random academic buildings

philosopher (n): a being capable of glorious enlightenment or cataclysmic deception

hight (n): a nickname for a philosopher

squirrell (n): state of bliss that comes from ignorance; perk of being cute and funny

worry (n): the feeling you get when you snap back to reality and realize that you have been convinced to switch your major to philosophy by a guy who looks like he is a member of the Taliban


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