Sept/Oct 1939: The fall offensive
into Poland goes well for the Germans, who take Warsaw and Lodz in 3
impulses without loss. The army then mostly streams... south? The
second round of impulses sees the weather turn bad and not much
happens. Third impulse the weather clears again and Germany declares
war on both Denmark and the Netherlands! The Germans spend 3
offensive points to take a Land/Naval. Their raider slip past the
blockading British fleet and then spread out across the North
Atlantic. One of them has a DIV which invades and takes Iceland. The
rest of the fleet does its damage, completely severing the CW convoy
line from North America. That same turn the Italians declare war on
France and Britain, all but one of the naval attacks from the
Italians fail, but in the Western Med the Italian navy strikes some
blows, sinking the Warspite and the Strasbourg while damaging the
Lorraine. The French and British retreat with their tails between
their legs. The turn runs short to the dismay of the Axis.
In the Pacific the Japanese load up in northern China and assault the
northern wing of the line. They suffer a loss but take a key
mountain hex, unhinging the Chinese line. The Chinese fall back in
the north, but manage by good fortune and good play to prevent the
Japanese from capturing Si-an or breaking the line completely. At
the end of the turn a task force of Japanese ships and troops rebase
to Somalia. A Chinese partisan appears in north China. The US,
buoyed by poor US entry rolls of the Axis, picks two options (occupy
Greenland and start Chinese A/C).
Nov/Dec 1939: The Axis win initiative (12 to 10 on the rolls) but
the weather starts bad. Germany spends the first impulse continuing
to move its army into place, heading south along the Hungarian
border. Italy takes a naval but fails to find a single ship, or fish
for that matter. Japanese naval units appear off the coast of
Persia, but poor weather prevents any operations. The second impulse
arrives and the snow falls. Germany is impatient and activates
Hungary and declares war on Yugoslavia (another US entry shift).
Despite the snow the Germans are fortunate, taking Belgrade and
Zagreb without loss immediately. The Italians finally decide to push
into Egypt, and Axis forces there - reinforced by a quality German
corps, head east towards Alexandria.
In the third impulse the weather shockingly clears. The Germans declare
war on Belgium (irritating the Americans yet again) and take
Brussels, but the win is costly (2/2 on the roll - A German ARM DIV
dies in the effort). Japan also decides to use the good weather and
invades Persia, taking an oil field. Simultaneously they launch an
assault on Si-an, which fails (1/1). The manuevering in northern
China, however, now sees the Chinese line bent backwards and the
Japanese have 5 (!) hexes on Si-an. How long will the communist
stronghold last? Given the approaching winter, perhaps a long time.
Italy pushes forward and seizes Alexandria.
The turns surprisingly ends early on the German turn to the dismay of the
British who were about to claim the Belgian shipping in Rotterdam.
The CW convoy line, however, is completely repaired and no losses
are taken in the turn. With the onset of winter proper, the German
army is strung out between Yugoslavia and Belgium, but the Wehrmacht
is only one hex away from the French border. The turns have been
surprisingly short, however, to the advantage of the Allies.
Jan/Feb 1940: The Axis win initiative, but the weather stays
sour. The Axis start by closing the Suez canal when the DAK infantry
shuts the northern end of the waterway. The Italians follow up with
massive naval maneuvers, but poor training results in 4 missed
search rolls over 4 sea areas. The Italians pledge to fight on
nonetheless. Incompetence is no bar to warfare. The Germans,
however, fare significantly better. They use the initiative to
assault Lille (+11 even in the snow and take it without loss) and
pop a hole in the French lines two hexes south of Lille (take the
hex but take casualties). The rupture causes the French to retreat
back towards Paris. In the next impulse the Germans eliminate
another French corps and cut off the BEF in Calais. The Italians
(with a tiny bit of German support) assault Cairo and take the
Egyptian capital. The Italians also invade Cyprus, conquer the horn
of Africa and liberate the A-E Sudan. The Japanese press inland but
nearly make a mistake, leaving a GUN alone. The spunky Chinese move
with Chiang and assault Canton! Fortunately for the Japanese, the
attacks goes badly, killing two Chinese corps and leaving the city
in the hands of the Axis.
As is becoming the norm, the turn ends early with only two impulses for
each side. The US interns the French CV Bearn despite international
protest over the illegal action.
Mar/Apr 1940: The Axis lose initiative, but demand a reroll and
win the second round, electing to go first. The Germans continue to
attack towards Paris and punch a hole in the line just west of Metz.
Three attacks are made, one successfully, one that was a minor win,
and one +9 blitz that failed. The French see an opportunity to
counterattack a lone Ger MECH but perform badly (roll a '3') and
fail. The Germans have 3 hexes on Paris at turn's end. The Italians
continue to be aggressive in the naval realm. Four searches for
combat occur and again the Italians are mostly ineffective, missing
on three searches. In the Western Med, however, the Italians engage
the CW. The Italians have 2 cruisers damaged, but he CW lose the
Repulse and the CA Cumberland is damaged. The Italians roll into
Suez, but a CW force still holds the other side of the canal.
The Soviets DOW the Baltics, but the Americans seem not to care. The
Japanese solidify their hold on the Persian oil fields and maneuver
in China, but not much action occurs. The Japanese cannot seem to
eliminate the Si-an pocket. A partisan appears in northern China to
the dismay of all. The French manage to sneak a TRS with an INF from
Tunisia back to France despite Italian efforts to nail it (failed
two search rolls).
Yet again the turn ends early (defined as ending on a roll of '1' - four
straight turns), causing much consternation in the Axis camp. The US
does not pick an entry option. Weird whispers are heard in the
Allied camp. Fears about an early French defeat?
May/June 1940: Summer comes and the world lets loose in an orgy
of violence. The Axis win the first initiative roll; the Allies
demand a reroll, but lose the second roll as well. The Axis go
first. Impulse by impulse will be easier.
Imp 1 (Axis): Germans take a land/naval. They send the navy out to raid,
but the picket fleet in the North Sea catches them. The ensuing
battle is bloody. The CW have 4 BBs damaged while the Germans have 1
BB and 1 CA damaged. None of the subs find their target. The
Italians also go naval hunting and finally the training takes
effect. No convoys are found (3 misses) but Axis air find the CW in
the Eastern Med keeping the British Desert Force in supply. The Ark
Royal is sunk, the CV Furious and the CA Cornwall are damaged.
Germans ground-strike Paris, surrounding hexes, and the British in
Calais. The Paris bombing gets 5 of 6 units but the Germans fail to
flip even a single other unit! The Germans kill more stakc of French
and have 4 hexes on Paris. The Japanese launch a great +10 assault
on Si-an only to fail again, flipping almost all of their Chinese
Imp 2 (Allied): The evil Soviets declare war on Japan and lurch into a
mostly undefended Manchuria, presumably to help the beleaguered
Chinese. No attacks are made, but the Soviets take a resource point
and face little opposition. The French try to organize their lines
to protect Paris, but the situation is looking bleak. The CW try to
establish a stronger presence in the Med and send a protected TRS to
pick up the 7-3 INF corps (the Italians groundstuck and flipped
Wavell). The Italians catch them, however, and sink the TRS with the
INF aboard. After a few other ships are aborted the CW leave the
seazone to the Italian NAV. The US continues to behave strangely,
uttering odd phrases about "We good" and generally eschewing the use
Imp 3 (Axis): The Germans load up on Paris and attack the BEF pocket. The
pocket is crushed, but it costs the Germans an ARM DIV. Paris,
however, is taken by airborne assault without loss - the proud
capital of France is once again at the mercy of the Wehrmacht. The
Italians cross the Suez canal and eliminate Wavell without loss,
clearing Egypt (and the canal) of Allied forces. Only the brave
Palestinian Territorial force remains defending Jerusalem. The
Japanese struggle to form a line against the advancing Soviets,
although the invasion now looks less wise as the French collapse.
Can the Soviets achieve their objectives and get back to defend
against any potential German designs?
Imp 4 (Allied): The Soviets still push deeper into Manchuria and the
Chinese push forward as well, seeking to unhinge the Japanese
defensive positions in northern China. The French try to
counterattack out of the Metz area back towards Paris, but the
attack fails painfully. The CW contemplates a war against Germany
and Italy alone. The CW has lost both of their HQs and some naval
assets, but has a growing force in India and a sizeable airforce in
Imp 5 (Axis): The weather stays clear. The Germans eliminate a
French corps outside of Metz and one of the two stacks of French
corps outside of Paris. Other German corps start to push southward.
Is Germany seeking to conquer France and not just Vichy? The
Italians push into Tunisia and also into Palestine, killing the TER
there. The Japanese continue to struggle to maintain a line in
Manchuria and in China, but the theatre looks stable. They do attack
a Communist unit in northern China, killing and retaking a Chinese
resource, but they suffer the loss of an INF corps.
Imp 6 (Allied): The French reposition in the Maginot, but do not have
much left. The Chinese decide on a gamble and pull Mao out of Si-an
(most of the Japanese units are flipped after a failed attack) in
order to save it and put another communist reinforcement in. The
gamble later will in fact pay off. The CW tries to defend its convoy
Imp 7 (Axis): The Germans are prepared to assault Metz, but the weather
turns unexpectedly bad. So instead there is a molasses like movement
of German units in France in the mud. Not much happens. The Italians
push into Syria, taking Damascus and Amman without a fight. The
Japanese shuttle troops, reinforcing Canton and dropping additional
units in Manchuria. The line against the Soviets starts to look
Imp 8 (Allied): In the bad weather not much happens. The Soviets try to
raid the Japanese convoy lines, but lose a sub damaged for their
efforts. The French continue to weep at their losses in the war. No
attacks or shifts on any of the fronts. Despite the previous
pattern, the turn shockingly continues. This is the first turn in
the game to push past an ending die roll of '2.'
Imp 9 (Axis) The weather clears and the Germans make the most of it,
assaulting and taking Metz without loss and streaming south to the
border of Spain. The intentions of the Germans look clear: they want
to force Franco to make a decision and join the Axis. The Italians
activate Iraq as an ally (with 4 corps in Syria) and push into
Algeria. Italians also push into southern France as the French try
to organize a defense. Japan strengthens its line in Manchuria and
prepares for more action in China next turn. The turn again
Imp 10 (Allied) The French decide to try and re-establish convoy lines
into France and their last factory (Marseilles). The Italians have
been trying all turn to find the Allies in the Western Med (four
failed attempts) and fail yet again. The French succeed. The Soviets
look to be arranging for an attack in Manchuria, but nothing comes
of it. Stunningly, the turn continues. An opportunity for the Axis?
Imp 11 (Axis). No. The weather turns sour again, frustrating Axis plans.
The Germans manage to get a few corps on the Spanish border and a
few planes, but not much. The Italians push their army into Iraq.
Nothing of significance in the Pacific. The turn then ends, shifting
initiative against the Axis.
Jul/Aug 1940: The Axis win initiative. Japan opens up with a 3rd
assault on Si-an and this time is the charm, taking the city without
loss (although US opinion was impacted). This helps improve the
Japanese line in China significantly. Most of the fun in the Pacific
is then provided by the Russians who attack twice in
Manchuria. The first +6 assault fails with no losses and the second
one fails with a Soviet loss. The Soviets also try to strategically
bomb northern Japan but fail. Although the Soviets control one
Manchurian resources, the growing threat from Europe is making the
venture look less enticing.
Germany spends the first impulse along with the Italians raiding convoys.
The CW suffers serious convoy losses in two sea zones but no other
naval losses. Italy loses a sub and the Germans have one damaged.
The next impulse Germany and Italy declare war on Spain! The Spanish
defend the Ebro river line and hold the Germans and Italians back
for four impulses before the Germans finally assault and capture
Madrid on a +13 assault utilizing airborne assault. The Italians
seek to liberate Algeria, but the stalwart defenders there exact a
heavy price, killing both of the attacking Italian corps. Italy will
have to reinforce and send new troops to take the now undefended
Italy and Germany take out their frustrations by declaring war on Persia,
joining Japan in their crusade against Bolshevism. Not much happens
- the Axis just lurch into Western Persia. The turn, returning to
form, ends early (roll of '2'), depriving the Axis of much needed
relocation time. Gibraltar looks to be an obvious target now and the
CW did reinforce it with added corps and DIVs, but their losses in
France and Egypt mean that they do not have a lot to spare. The
Germans at the end of the turn do start moving units to the Soviet
border as well.
The US picks "Murrow Reports" which allows them to modify European
tension rolls - American entry is definitely far in advance of its
Sept/Oct 1940: The Axis wins the first initative rolls, but the
Allies demand a reroll and win initiative as a result. The weather
starts clear, but bounces back and forth between clear and stormy
all turn. The Allies protect convoys and strategically bomb Germany,
taking 2 BPs from them (first strat casualties of the game I
The Germans flow south and in the second impulse kill a CW ENG defending
outside of Gibraltar. The Italians deploy the fleet, ferrying German
troops over to the Er Rif. Despite massive naval moves, the Italians
cannot knock the CW out of the Cape Verde Basin in their third
impulse. The Axis decide to assault Gibraltar anyway, and the
paratroopers win the day (plus an '18' on the attack roll).
Gibraltar falls to the Italians with German help. The Italians also
take Algeria while the Germans take Morocco. After the fall of
Gibraltar the turns goes unexpectedly long, The Germans build up on
the Portuguese border but send the rest of the troops to France
and/or the Soviet border. The Italians do late turn raiding and
finally find the CW to good effect, decimating the CW convoys
off of Gibraltar and cutting the link. The CAs Fiji and Canberra are
sunk. Subs in the North Atlantic chip away as well, lowering the CW
build for the turn. The Axis push deeper into Persia, but no action
The Japanese and Chinese escalate their conflict. The Japanese cut off
the Chinese access to Chang-Sha by killing a unit in the mountains
and then mass around the area, threatening the 2 resource points and
the city of Chang-Sha itself. At the end of the turn a partisan
appears, taking a resource point from the Japanese.
On the Japo-Soviet front, the Russians notice the wall of grey appearing
in the west and start a tactical withdrawal. What looks to be a
defensive line is built and freed troops are railing to the west.
The biggest news of the turn, however, is US entry, which is clearly
accelerated. The fall of Gibraltar and other events have pushed US
belligerence to a new high as the rhetoric coming from the US is
increasingly shrill. The US gifts destroyers to the CW to help their
Nov/Dec 1940: The Allies win initiative, but after consultation
decide to let the Axis go first to preserve initiative for the
coming summer. The weather shocks everyone: clear! Germany
decides to take a joint land/naval and declares war on Portugal.
Under the cover of the impressive Italian fleet, a German DIV takes
the Azores in the North Atlantic and the Portuguese are no match for
the Wehrmacht. The Italians and Germans also have a surprisingly
good turn chewing on convoys, sinking a great many of them (over
10), sinking the CA Exeter and damaging the CVL Hermes. The Germans
reinforce Iceland with a corps but have their TRS damaged in the
process. The Italians push into Persia and are close to surrounding
The Japanese continue to find their stride in China, clearing the two
resource hexes in the south with a +10 attack next to Chang-Sha that
succeeds. The Communist Chinese try to reply with an attack in the
north, but fail (2/1) and weaken their own lines. The Japanese also
kill a pesky PART in the north and otherwise strengthen their lines.
Onlly Changa-Sha remains in the rear as the Japanese hold a line in
central China along the mountain range outside of Cheng-tu. The
Soviets are now clearly attempting a slow tactical withdrawal in
Manchuria, but there is no word of peace talks. Russian units move
west to Poland.
At the end of the turn the Germans install a Vichy government to the
sadness of the Italians (who lose a resource point they were
receiving). The Axis control Gibraltar to Egypt, France to the
Soviet border. And then the sadness sets in for the Axis: US entry
is so advanced that the US gears up in 1940. Panic has not
set in, but the American player needs to stop dancing and saying "we
Please. Please stop.
Jan/Feb 1941: The new year find the Axis with initiative, and
despite generally poor weather, the turn goes long. Germany starts
by activating Rumania as an ally and German troops start pouring
into the nation. The Italians go convoy hunting, taking a few and
managing to damage the BB Renown and the CA Kent. The Italians also
take Aden. A joint German-Italian force assaults Tehran, but fails
miserably (2/1 on a +8 assault). The Japanese manage to take Chang-Sha
(and without irritating the US), giving them a rationalized line
without pockets. The Soviets pull back suddenly from their positions
immediately on the German border, but they stay the course in
Manchuria. 8-9 corps are still in Manchuria despite the looming
threat from the west. The Soviets also put two corps in Baku and two
more corps north of Afghanistan to protect Tashkent. The turn ends
with four impulses each. The US relocates the fleet to Pearl Harbor
(again, more ominous signs of advanced US entry) and elects to
escort in the US East Coast with aircraft.
Mar/Apr 1941: Disaster for the Axis. The Allies win initiative,
roll terrible weather, and then the Axis only get one impulse before
the turn ends at its earliest possibility on the roll of a '1.'
Italy does bring Afghanistan into the war (without US irritation)
but otherwise accomplishes exactly nothing. The Germans get one
impulse worth of troop movement, but their forces are not fully
transferred to the east. No convoys are found, no losses occur.
Basically not much happens except the CW repairs some convoy lines.
The Allies rejoice. The US freezes Japanese assets and passes a bill
to allow resources to flow to the USSR.
May/June 1941: The Axis win initiative and the weather starts
clear. After a lengthy debate and some internal dissention, the
German players return to the board and decide to declare war on the
USSR. Finland is activated as a minor ally. The Germans have two
middle-sized attacks fail in central Poland (half flipping two
German stacks and killing 3 German units), but a crucial blitz
attack on the Rumanian border is a stunning success that pockets
Zhukov and three other corps. In the north the Germans pocket
Kaunas, isolating 8 Soviet corps without loss (but all the attacks
were automatics). The Soviets were caught switching to a new
defensive posture by the short Mar/Apr turn.
The Italians regroup and assault Tehran, this time taking the city
without loss (+8 assault wins!) Japan activates Siam and is
furiously reshuffling troops in China and Manchuria. Perhaps the
threat of the evil American empire looms large?
In impulse 3 (second Axis impulse) the Japanese militarize the Marshalls
and activate Siam as an ally. Germany activates Bulgaria. Only the
Marshall occupation shifts US entry. The Germans press forward,
eliminating the Kaunas pocket in the north and killing Zhukov and a
MECH corps in the south. The Soviets have a sizable pocket by Odessa
and Kiev fully defended. In the north Minsk has 4 corps defending
plus reserves scattered in various cities. The Germans push up to
the Persia/Russia border. The Italians go convoy hunting and find
some fortune, sinking 2 CONVs and aborting 2 while sinking the
Polish DD group and the CAs Berwick, Suffolk, and Birmingham to the
loss of the CA Duc d'Aosta. The Allied impulse follows see the CW
mass a reaction fleet to hunt the Italians, but despite clear
weather the two massive navies do not find one another. The Soviets
form hedgehog positions to slow the Germans and redeploy planes for
Impulse 5 starts with the Italians fleeing the Faroes Gap in the face of
superior British naval power. Italian TERs push southward,
taking Kenya and Tanganyika. The Germans start chipping away at the
large pockets, killing Soviet units but not advancing into the
depths of Russia.
Happy with the brief reprieve the Soviets reorganize their air force to
better defend the front without worries about losing face-down
aircraft. The CW takes a land and starts shuffling corps around
England, moving units to ports. Could there be an offensive in the
In impulse seven the Germans start reducing pockets, killing 4 Soviet
corps (two outside of Odessa and the last two outside of Kaunas).
The rest of the army lumbers forward. Japan reinforces the
Manchurian front and rationalizes the Chinese line, but there is no
The Germans then try two 50/50 (+9 assaults) attacks in impulse nine, one
on Minsk and one on Odessa - but both fail. The Germans lose two
corps but do reduce the defenders a bit. Overall German combat rolls
have been slightly below average, but they are progressing into the
USSR anyway. The Italian-led Caucasus Front sees Baku cut off and a
German corps take Tiflis and the near oil fields.
The weather stays clear for impulse nine and the Germans again take two
50/50 attacks on both Minsk and Odessa. This time they take the
cities, but the casualties continue to mount as the Germans take
another casualty in each attack. The German ENG is lost taking
Odessa, but the way is now clear through the Ukraine and only a
lonely Soviet face-down HQ remains before Vitebsk near Minsk.
Afghani units push into the soft underbelly of the Soviet Union,
cutting off two resources from factories, but there is no combat
On impulse11 the weather is still clear and the now surprisingly smaller
Wehrmacht pushes forward, reaching Kiev and the Dnieper. Rostov is
taken undefended and the Soviets lose a BB and CA there that were
overrun. Lead elements of German armor approach some face-down
Soviet aircraft as they push across the Crimea into Krasnodar. The
Soviets respond as best they can, bleeding the Germans for each city
(or so it seems).
The turn continues, but the weather turns sour (rolled a '1' - bringing
snow to the USSR!). The bad weather comes at the right time
for the Soviets, who manage to save their face-down TAC. The Germans
eliminate the last of the Minsk pocket even in the snow. The way is
clear to Vitebsk and beyond to Moscow. The turn ends, shifting
initiative back to the center position.
The big news, however, is that German aggression is clearly irritating US
opinion. The US passes an additional War Appropriation act, churning
up the factories. The US now builds at 30 per turn - and really
early (May/June!). There is grumbling amongst the Axis and a hopeful
glean in the eyes of the Allies.
July/August 1941: The Axis win the first initiative roll, but the
Allies demand a reroll and win initiative. The weather is, of
course, bright and sunny. The CW starts by beefing up their convoy
lines in the hopes of larger builds and sends the navy to protect
those lines. The Soviets take their new reinforcements and push back
west in the center of the line to reoccupy Kursk. Most Soviet
reinforcements went to the Moscow front, but Kiev and other cities
in the Ukraine are still held by the Soviets. A thin line is still
holding in Manchuria against the Japanese.
The Axis stay aggressive in impulse two. The Japanese flip one Soviet
corps in Harbin and then launch a ballsy +8 assault - which
succeeds! The Japanese have cut the Soviet line in Manchuria in
half. The Italians take a naval but oddly post the fleet in the Bay
of Biscay. Subs are sent elsewhere and several CONVs are lost in the
Canadian Coast. The Italians tried to catch the Eagle in the
southern Indian Ocean, but failed. The Germans take a +10 on Kiev
and secure it without loss. The rest of the army needs to reorganize
and push forward, which it does. The army reaches the outskirts of
Vitebsk and flows around Dneproptevsk in the south.
The Allies in impulse 3 go on the offensive. The CW kills a partisan in
India and the Soviets go on a groundstrike frenzy - and hit every
one. As a result the 7-6 DAK is flipped out of supply south of Tula
and the Soviets coutnerattack and kill it without loss. The Japanese
breakthrough is stymied as Soviet bombers there also flip all
the lead elements of the Japanese in Harbin. The Soviets use the
reprieve to pull back in safety much to the disgruntlement of the
Seeking to exact revenge, the Germans in impulse 4 assault and clear
Vitebsk (+14 assault) and take Dneproptevsk but suffer a loss. The
larger news is that the Italian navy covers an invasion! German
forces land in Northern Ireland. The CW fly and clear defensive TAC.
The Germans perform poorly, but a single corps survives (loss of a
corps and INF DIV). The following impulse the Italians land and then
advance to take Belfast.
The CW shifts forces northward and the Soviets are finally beginning to
run out of units. The Soviets have stopped the breakthrough in
Manchuria - but probably only briefly. They pull back around
Vladivostok and try to extricate two isolated corps in western
Manchuria. The Soviets do have lots of reinforcements coming in and
will likely have plenty to build with this turn, but the Axis are
starting to eat up territory and resources.
In impulse six the Germans advance towards Moscow and eastern Ukraine.
The Soviets counter by doubling up, but in impulse eight the Germans
attack the reinforced Kursk, killing both units and overrunning two
aircraft. The Germans also take Kalinin near Moscow, but suffer
another loss. The Italians with some German help assault Baku, but
the attack goes wrong when the German forces do not properly
cooperate. The Italians take the losses (2/1 on a +7 assault) and
Baku remains in Soviet hands.
The 9th impulse is fairly quiet. The Soviets huddle, the CW shifts forces
inside the UK. The next impulse the Germans and Italians damage the
Neth TRS is Glasgow and do some minor CONV damage to the British,
who are struggling to hold the convoys lines now that the Axis have
air bases around England.
The last two impulses see the Germans pushing east, surrounding Moscow
and connecting the rail line in the south to the oil fields. Four
German corps with von Bock head to the Turkish border. The Italians
push up reinforcements towards Baku, but the city continues to hold.
The Italians are still waiting for a successful attack. The turn
ends in the 12th impulse. The US imposes an oil embargo, hurting
Japan, and chooses to lend-lease to the Allies. Rumblings of the US
entering the conflict abound.
Sept/Oct 1941: The Axis barely win initiative and go first. Alas,
the weather starts out horrible ('10' on the roll). The Japanese
take a naval and fan out across the Pacific - could they be trying a
sneaky attack on the Allies? In the bad weather the Germans and
Italians maneuver but no attacks are made. The CW sails out again
and re-establishes their convoy lines with protection, safe in the
Impulse 3 see the weather clear slightly. In the rain soaked fields of
central Russia the Germans assault Moscow (+10) and take the city
without loss. The way is now clear to the Urals! The Soviet wisely
elected to bring in their reinforcements there, so a new line awaits
the Germans. The Axis do some raiding and manage to damage a CW CA
and BB (the Barham), but not much else is done. The Japanese
continue to posture and push further north into Manchuria. The
Soviet line there has collapsed into a pocket around Vladivostok.
The British defend their lines whlie the Soviets move reinforcements
up to their new line.
In impulse 5 the weather suddenly clears. The Japanese decide they have
had enough of American meddling and declare war on them, France, and
the CW. Japanese carriers strike Pearl, sinking the Saratoga,
Yorktown, and Lexington, but the crafty Americans take no other real
losses because they hid their ships in amongst old CONVs that took
the other losses. The Japanese take Rabaul and Batavia. They also
land next to Calcutta, but the attack goes badly (rolled a '3') and
the troops are disorganized. The failure will prove costly! The
Japanese also kill a Soviet corps in Manchuria and push into Siberia
proper, reclaiming their resource in Manchuria and cutting the
trans-Siberian line. The Italians use their MAR div to walk into
Barrow and reinforce it with a German corps and Bagdoglio. The Axis
are in Scotland! They also use the clear weather and a ton of NAV to
seriously punish the CW in the Faroes Gap. The Italians do lose a sub damaged in other action.
In Russia the Italians again attack Baku and again perform badly.
But they do take the city with heavy casualties (2/1 rolled an 8 on
the +8 assault).
The Americans recover quickly and try to raid the Japanese convoy lines,
but they are frustrated (but take no sub losses). The Americans
sneak a 4-1 GAR into Guam at the end of the turn. Not much else
happens and the turn ends with the Germans just making in onto the
Asian map in northern Russia. No general war yet - the US does not
attempt to be belligerent and the peace-loving Italians refuse to
declare war on the USA.
Nov/Dec 1941: The Allies win initiative and elect to go first.
The wiley sham-democracts in the US take the opportunity to sneak
the 4-1 GAR into the previously undefended Calcutta just
before the Japanese arrive to take the undefended city. Foiled! The
US also take the opportunity and invade the Marshall Islands, taking
several of the key air bases. Sub attacks again fail to find their
target. Most importantly the US decides to try and declare war on
Germany and Italy. Why you might ask? Germans and Italians
everywhere were wondering the same. American Italians and Germans
turned in mass protests and the US Congress reject Abbovelt's
warmongering! (Die roll failed on a 70% chance.)
The Axis take the opportunity and push. The joint Italo-German forces in
Scotland press forward, taking more hexes and reinforcing. Manstein
arrives in country as well to lead the east coast invasion of
Scotland. The Germans push further onto the Asian map, meeting the
new Soviet line. Forces trudge slowly to build up around Leningrad.
The Japanese take Guam and land in the Philippines.
The next impulse sees the weather turn clear (except in the arctic). The
Germans in Russia continue to slowly advance, but they get the corps
on the border of Turkey and activate the nation as a minor ally.
Masses of Turkish troops pour into the Caucasus to oppress the
Georgians and other Soviet citizens. The Italians use the clear
weather to pour yet more NAV into the Faroes Gap and this time they
finally find the CW. 2 CONV are sunk, the CVL Argus and old BC
Erebus are sunk. The Nelson, Barham, and CA Gloucester are damaged.
With the sea zone cleared, Scapa Flow is put out of supply and an
Italian INF DIV seizes the port facilities.
Impulse 5 (3rd Allied impulse) sees more clearish weather. The Americans
solidify their hold on the Marshalls and fail to find Japanese
convoys, but the subs are aborted. The US tries to declare war again
on the Germans and Italians but again the morally outraged citizens
prevent Congress from turning the US into a capitalist dictatorship.
The measure to declare war fails! The Japanese in their impulse push
around the Vladivostok pocket, making slow but noticeable gains.
Burma, Malaya and the NEI (conquered last turn) see forces
reshuffled. Germany pushes up to Leningrad and to the new Siberian
front while taking care of partisan suppression. Mostly the spread
out German airforce is trying to get to the new various fronts. The
Italians in a bold surprise assault and take Glasgow on a +10
assault and win! Edinburgh is still held in the north, but there are
no other CW holdings north of Leeds.
The turn continues another even round of impulses. The Germans group
around Leningrad and push towards the Ural line. The line stabilizes
in Scotland. Japan attacks and kills a Chinese unit trying to
infiltrate behind the lines, but their own line is thin in China. No
major action is seen in the Pacific. The turn ends with the US not
at total war, but all signs point to the likelihood of total war
Jan/Feb 1942: The Axis win initiative despite an Allied reroll.
The weather starts middling with snow covering most of Europe. The
Germans take a land/naval and the Italians take a naval to send 4
more corps to Scotland and expand the landings there. Most
importantly the Germans and Italians decide to support their ally
Japan and declare war on the United States. Total war it is. Japan
takes advantage of the first move and encircles Vladivostok, cutting
off the city and seizing resources and the rail line.
Impulse 2 sees the Allies taking quick stabs. A CW flotilla strikes at an
Italian fleet and American FTRs seek a German NAV - but no combat
occurs. The US pushes troops to the front in the Pacific.
The weather turns really bad now (11 on the weather chart). Essentially
nothing happens. The Germans push a few counters. The Italians move
from the Caucasus to eastern Persia. Aircraft reposition across
Europe with more air assets arriving in the British Isles and on the
Soviet front. Japan moves slowly, holding Legaspi but not moving to
take Manilla. The Pacific is sitzkrieg as the Japanese reduce the
Soviet threat. The Allies respond with a similarly blah turn,
shifting forces in England and in the Pacific.
The weather clears on impulse 5 to snow again. Having waited out the
storm, the Axis go on the offensive. The Italians with a small bit
of German support assault and take Edinburgh without loss. The
Germans, inspired by the Italians, assault Leningrad in the snow at
+5 and take the city without loss! The factories were loaded and
immediately add to the German war effort. Japan aligns Indochina and
invade a new hex in India NW of Madras. The turn then ends, shifting
initiative back to neutral.
Mar/April 1942: The Allies win initiative and elect to go first.
The weather is middling for the season. The CW tighten their
internal lines in England now that the Axis front has solidified.
The Americans take a naval and the Soviets reinforce their lines in
The Axis appear to set up for something, but wind up in the poor weather
just reinforcing the Scottish front with troops. The Italians go
CONV hunting again and pick off a few more and sink the CV Glorious
to the loss of a German FTR and Italian NAV. The Germans slowly push
up a few more troops to the Soviet front - the distances are long!
The Allies spend their impulses hunting Japanese CONVs and ships. The US
manages to find and sink the CA Atago and damage the Takao. Japan
focuses on the Soviets and does not move much around the Pacific. On
the last impulse of the short turn the Axis collapse Vichy, adding
another factory to the massive German economy.
May/June 1942: The Axis win initiative and elect to go first. The
weather starts clear and the Axis move with alacrity. The Japanese
sail out a fleet to bombard and assault Vladivostok. The attack
succeeds without loss - the Soviets have lost their aggressive war!
Negotiations for the Soviet surrender are already taking place.
Meanwhile the Italians take a naval and the Germans a land/naval to
launch massive attacks in England. An Italian bomber strat bombs
Birmingham, taking 2 BPs and the Germans (under cover of Italian
naval and air forces) invade Plymouth, assault Leeds, and attack
east of Coventry. All the attacks succeed, critically weakening the
British home defense.
Not to be outdone, the Americans take a land/naval of their own and land
forces in West Africa. The landing to retake Europe has begun. The
Axis are caught unable to stop the operation and instead they send
units to Morocco to try and build a defensive line. Italian and
German land and air units are moving in that general direction. The
Communist Chinese take a bold +4 assault and perform well, killing a
Japanese INF corps and shattering the northern line in China
(fortunately they all flipped, but the front looks precarious for
the Japanese). American CONV raiders finally strike home, causing
major losses to the Japanese in the South China Sea.
Impulse 3 sees the Germans take a land/air to press the front, this time
in Russia. The Germans try many airstrikes but find limited success.
Several planes are shot down on both sides, so the Germans are
slowly gaining air superiority. A German bomber takes 1 BP from
Perm. Despite all the movement in Siberia, no attacks are made by
the Germans, but a fair bit of airforce is moved up and then
reorganized by the HQs. In England the landing force at Plymouth is
reinforced and expands. A German corps walks into Birmingham, making
the British defenses a single diagonal line from London to
Liverpool. More maneuvering happens, but no attacks. The Japanese
try to sink an undefended America TRS but cannot locate it. Japanese
troops starts to reorganize in Manchuria - will they make it back to
China in time to stabilize that front?
The Allies spend their next impulse quietly. The Americans push northward
through Senegal and beyond into Spanish Sahara, where they take
Cisneros before the lead elements of the southward moving German
forces can reach it. The Cape St. Verde sea zone looks to be a
critical battle area in the coming months. Britain considers it
options and hopes for some Axis failure while the Soviets huddle in
Siberia. The CW ultimately decides to run with Alexander and their
best ARM unit, relocating the fleet in Liverpool to Canada. Things
look grim in England for the CW.
Impulse 5 sees the renewal of Axis attacks. A +14 assault on Manchester
sees the city fall to the Italians and Germans. It is clearly now
only a matter of time with the size of the Axis forces there. The BB
Warspite and CA Gambia are lost and overrun, while a AMPH improbably
is captured by the advancing Axis forces. Germany also mounts a
major attack on Kuibyshev. The +9 assault is a costly victory,
costing the Germans two quality divs (an ARM div and MOT div), but
the Germans take the strategic city. The Soviet defensive line now
The Allies in impulse 6 cement a front line in the sahara, reinforce the
Marshalls, and attack Japanese shipping. Two Dutch ships under CW
control find and sink 2 CONVs laden with oil from Persia. The
Americans now have a sizeable land, air, and naval force in and
around the Marshall Isles.
Impulse 7 sees the destruction of England imminent. Brave RAF planes
manage to lower a +16 attack on Coventry to a +12, but despite
German casualties the city falls. All that remains is London and two
stack of CW units. The Italians sortie and try to put the Americans
in West Africa out of supply. They sink a Dutch cruiser, but fail to
block the supply lines. More German and Italian troops stream south
to Cisneros, a front has emerged there. Japan moves enough land
based FTRs to the front to prompt a major sea battle with the
Americans. Despite clearing 17 points of NAV, American armored hulls
win the day. The CA Chicago is sunk, but two US CVs survive their
kill rolls and are only damaged. No other losses (aside from air
losses ) are reported.
The CW decide to go down fighting and attempt a counterattack in England.
The attempt is valiant, but timely Stukas intervene and the attack
fails (no loss on either side, but the CW forces are flipped).
Things look grim in England. Japan has been relocating the army from
Manchuria and now the China front once again looks much stronger. In
the following impulse Italy pushes toward Samarkand and the German
attack a key hex north of Kubyshev, cracking the Soviet line there.
Kazan is now threatened and the Soviets are considering a new
rearward line. The Germans drop a PARA on London and attack it,
taking it without loss.
The Allies pass except for the USSR and successfully end the turn.
Although the CW vows to fight on, Great Britain sues for peace. The
Americans, realizing the might of the Italian forces, sue for a
The war ends with a shared decisive victory for the Axis players.
Real Good!" Dateline Washington D.C. AP Newswire. 30 Oct 1939.
Reflecting on some of the early reverses suffered by their erstwhile
allies France and Britain, the U.S. President gave a press
conference to discuss American preparedness for war. "Naturally, we
will seek to stay out of European and Asian matters that frankly do
not concern us or American interests, but I want the world to know
that if provoked, American does real good." President F.D. Rabbott
left the conference without taking any questions.
"Italians Enter Just War After French Provocations."
Dateline Roma Etsamatteru News Servive Intl. 30 Oct 1939. The French
ambassador to Roma publicly insulted El Douche by suggesting at a
state dinner function that the Glorious Leader was suboptimally
handsome. "Eet is like de Italians do not know what hair product ees,"
said Shelee Hacron. "The Douche needs to see a stylist and improve
his image." These words were then repeated by the ambassador in
front of the international press. The ill-timed words apparently
sabotaged critical negotiations that were taking place between the
Fascist Utopia of Italy (FUI, pronounced 'fooey') and France. France
was convicted in the international court of the League of Nations of
illegal economic practices and espionage against Italy and was
arranging reparations in closed-door meetings when the latest
affront came. Dominic "The Pastamaker" Luigi, head of Italian
foreign ministry, was similarly incensed when Admiral Darlan of the
French fleet published an editorial in Le Monde claiming that
the Italian navy was so backwards that they "could never sink or
even damage a French ship in a million years of combat."
In related news, shortly after hostilities broke out, the battleship
Strasbourg was sunk by accurate Italian gunfire and the
Lorraine was severely damaged in action off of the island of
Corsica. Admiral Darlan has refused comment.
Chinese Assault Fails, Blame Goes to
MaocElrath Chongqing Courier February 5,
1940--CHANG-SHA: Thousands of Nationalist Chinese forces met their
doom last week as an ill-fated assault on a single gun emplacement
went awry. Under the unusually inept command of Generals Chiang
"What Are Guns?" Kai-shek and MaocElrath "I Was Supposed To Give
Them Bullets?" Zedavid, a series of assaults against a single
Japanese artillery piece failed. The Japanese commander defending
the city of Canton had installed twelve-foot-deep trenches around
the gun emplacement, so as the Chinese soldiers advanced, they fell
into the trench, where they were either crushed by falling
compatriots or starved to death after weeks in the trench with no
food. MaocElrath, for his part, has owned up to the mistake or
sending waves at the gun from all directions. "Instead of launching
simultaneous assaults from all points of the compass, I should have
had all of our men charge in a straight line from one direction.
Then their dead bodies would have piled up enough for us to walk
straight across the trench and take the gun." Gruesome though the
scene might have been, it would nonetheless have been more effective
than sending in unarmed soldiers to die meaningless deaths while
serving the second purpose of completely destroying any semblance of
a defensive line in southern China.
Broosevelt Promises Continued American
Excellence New York Times April 6,
1940--WASHINGTON: In his first address to the citizens of the United
States since the closure of the Suez Canal, President Alexander
Broosevelt reaffirmed that the United States was the greatest nation
in the world. He pointed to America's continued neutrality amidst
global chaos and conflagration as a primary indicator of American
strength. When asked if he would consider sending American troops to
support longtime allies like the United Kingdom and France,
Broosevelt responded, "Nah. We good." (He also did a weird
dance-like move that this reporter would prefer never to see again.)
-- VIDEO REQUESTED -- Later, when asked if the American Army and
Navy would benefit from increased defense spending, Broosevelt
declared, "America real good. America real strong." A man of few
words, Broosevelt tends to lead by example. God help us all.
FRENCH TROOPS CHOOSE LOVE NOT WAR
Berliner Gazette 14 May 1940. -- PARIS: After the stunning
fall of Paris earlier in this week, the French military high command
expected to begin their campaign to retake the city with a smashing
counterattack west of Metz. Instead, what they got was a dismal
failure. According to official reports, untold thousands of French
soldiers bravely threw themselves at the German lines in defense of
their homeland, but were tragically cut down. The entire effort
ended with only a handful of German casualties for the loss of
several entire French infantry divisions and 20,000 French lives.
However, new reports coming from the front lines paint a decidedly
different story. According to anonymous sources, instead of
heroically fighting to retake Paris, the French soldiers ordered to
counterattack instead walked up to the German lines and voluntarily
handed over their weapons to them without a fight. One French
soldier, who identified himself only as Captain Rendre, is quoted to
have said, “Oui, we Frenchmen are not very good at fighting anymore.
Making food and love? That we’re good at, but war? Non. The Germans
are naturally superior to us in all things war-like, so we decided
to take our wine and cheese and return home to our lovers.”
The French Premier, Shelby Hétain, could not be reached to comment on the
discrepancy between the official and unofficial reports. Premier
Hétain was last seen shouting “Paris will never fall! I’d stake my
life on it!” as he raced to catch the last train out of the city
with his staff, the city government, and the entire French military
leadership of Paris close behind him.
British Navy to roll out new state-of-the-art scuba suits in stage
two of new “BAD” plan.
BBC news 15 May 1940. –- London:
The United Kingdom’s
Minister of the Navy, Tyler “convoys can defend themselves” Hines,
met with the British press today to deliver a stunning announcement:
“From now on all of our ships will be decked out with
state-of-the-art scuba suits!” Hines’ announcement comes at a time
when his job is in question and could be seen as a last-ditch
attempt to win back public favor. So far in the war the minister has
been under fire from the British media and people over the loss of
countless convoys, transports, and other valuable British ships.
However, the minister appeared quite ecstatic over the new plan
saying, “Now when our ships inevitably sink, our men can just slip
on a scuba suit and swim back to England!” The shocking plan is the
second step of Britain’s new revolutionary war strategy titled “BAD”
(Britain’s Amazing Decisions). The first step of the plan was to
abandon any land the British Prime Minister, Garnet Wolseley
Crockhill, deemed “too sandy”. The first part of the plan has been
carried out with smashing success so far as several Italian ravioli
chefs managed to capture Egypt with the aid of prime German units.
However, since the news broke of the inevitable fall of Paris,
Crockhill has been missing from the public eye for several weeks
now. Reports from the Prime Minister’s office indicated that the
Minister was busy working on the problem in France, but shocking new
tabloid reports have seen witnesses accuse the P.M. of appearing at
a “yodeling club” and one witness, a student at Oxford, says his
pig-Latin professor looks strikingly like the missing Minister, but
with an impressive handlebar mustache. In Crockhill’s absence Hines
has been thrust into command and appears to be hitting the ground
running. As one high-ranking English officer said, “We’re all
extremely confident in Mr. Hines’ leadership. Mr. Hines is of the
philosophy that extensive reading will lead to military success and
has spent most of our war meetings entrenched in his books.” With
the fall of France imminent, America’s continued neutrality, and the
Russian invasion into Manchuria, Britain may soon stand alone
against the armies of fascism. Before leaving his press conference
Hines assured the British people, “Believe in Crockhill and believe
in me. Together we shall save Britain with our BAD strategies!” As
the Allied war effort rolls on all hopes now ride on Britain’s BAD
Italian Military Key to Seizure of Gibraltar Milano
Cookies 12 September 1940. Thanks to the bravery of the Italian
navy and air corps, Axis units triumphantly accepted the surrender
of Commonwealth forces at Gibralter yesterday evening. Italian
officials and military support units are already in place to
administer the strategic gateway to the Mediterranean. "The Italian
navy lifted German support troops to the Er Rif, provided the
critical bombardment that made the English see the folly of
continuing the fight, and developed the attack plan from start to
finish. We are proud of our Italian fighting men and women!" So said
Rudolpho Rudolpho, the spokesman for the Italian foreign ministry.
"Italy has now realized its dream not seen since the Roman Empire -
a truly Italian lake called the Mediterranean."
Unbowed by External Pressure, American President Continues to "Be
a Bro" Chicago Tribune December 18, 1940--Returning to
the scene of his nomination for a third term as president, President
Alexander Broosevelt spoke triumphantly to voters in Chicago
yesterday. Just over a month after winning the 1940 election over
Republican candidate Wendell Willkie, Broosevelt spoke passionately
about his insistence that the United States would continue to chart
its own political course rather than give in to foreign demands. Of
particular note was Broosevelt's commentary on Italian attempts to
cast his recent behavior as "unpresidential."
Broosevelt spent many minutes discussing presidential antics of the past
several decades, highlighting Woodrow Wilson's habit of reserving
Saturday "for the boys." In a moment of surprising eloquence,
Broosevelt remarked, "Of course, the very office of President of the
United States is the most bro-like one imaginable. I recently began
abbreviating my correspondence BROTUS. My campaign slogan this year
was 'Be My Bro' and the voters gave me a ringing endorsement and a
mandate to continue American excellence." Broosevelt insisted that
his swaggering, blustering demeanor is appropriate, particularly
considering recent decisions to allocate yet more resources to
military spending, research, and production. Always looking forward
to the future, Broosevelt finished his speech by predicting, with
customary terseness, "America big. America powerful. America
Italian Government Registers Outrage at
American Accusations Roma Tribuna 19 December 1940.--
Only hours after the American President Broosevelt complained about
Italian insults, El Douche and the Italian Foreign Ministry released
a corrective response. "At no time did we call the American
President 'unpresidential.' Instead, we said Broosevelt is 'unpestilential,'
intending to signal our praise at the US policy of keeping their
noses out of European affairs which do not concern them. In other
words, the US is not a pestilence because they stay in their own
backyard." When asked about the backyard comment given Italy's
recent expansionist policy, El Douche replied "Oh Yea?" The Italian
government now is officially awaiting a formal apology for the
otherwise understandable mistake.
HONORABLE JAPANESE EMISSARIES BAFFLED BY
RUSSIAN SILENCE! Yomiuri Shinbun, 27 December 1940. Tokyo:
Earlier this week, a ten-man delegation of Japanese officials
returned to Tokyo after what appears to have an unsuccessful
diplomatic mission to Moscow. Officials say that after landing in
Moscow, they were not met by their Soviet counterparts. Instead, the
Japanese officials wandered around the city for several hours, which
led denizens of the Soviet capitol to believe that the city had
somehow been invaded. Eventually, Japanese officials believed they
had found the office of the Ministry of External Relations; upon
further inspection, however, it was discovered that the building was
actually a manure storage facility. While impressed by the
efficiency of Soviet manure storage, Japanese officials were
disappointed by the lack of interaction with Soviet officials.”
German High Command Offers Italian Leader Command of Beleaguered
Forces Deustcher Zeitung 1 April 1941. Dateline Berlin.
Citing poor performance in basic military maneuvers and a lack of
strategic thinking, the Fuhrer Audolph Gatler made a historic offer:
complete command of the German armed forces. In a national radio
speech Gatler said "We a need Douche like you, our Italian friend,
to achieve real success." El Douche spent the afternoon
contemplating the offer before releasing an official response. In
that response the Italian leader noted that history has forced this
burden upon him and that he could not refuse the clarion call of
destiny. In his first official act, the new supreme Axis commander
diverted 50% of the German war materials to Italian factories.
Apparently the Italian was industry is more efficient and less
expensive. Plans for new battle uniforms are said to be in the
works. El Douche has also decided to remove all of the screen doors
on German ships and replace them with solid metal doors.
Valiant Italians Under El Douche Liebrate Tehran,
Help With Invasion of Russia. Deutscher Zeitung 3 May
1941. Dateline Warsaw. Having turned over supreme command to El
Douche, morale in the Wehrmacht has soared. The original invasion
plan of Russia ("hope for the best") was replaced with actual
attacks and ground strikes by the Luftwaffe. As a result the Germans
achieved significant breakthroughs and pocketed large segments of
the Soviet army. Said one German general, "Ve are so thankful for
the Douche, he brings a cleansing spirit to our war effort!"
Meanwhile in Persia the Italian army went into action, seizing the
capital Tehran and forcing the rebellious Persians to surrender and
join the Axis cause. The victory so was swift and complete that
rumors have it that the Afghan government is seeking an alliance
Forgotten Soldiers in a Forgotten
Conflict Kunming Gazette June 14, 1941--KWEI-YANG: There
is a crisis happening right now, and you've probably never heard of
it. Soldiers are dying--not from war, not from disease, not from
starvation, but from a lack of attention. Throughout southern and
central China, Nationalist Chinese forces, seemingly forgotten by
their Japanese counterparts, have been suffering silently since
February, when they last saw action. Japanese attention, once so
enraptured by Chinese forces, has shifted far to the north, where
the Second Russo-Japanese War is spreading through Manchuria.
Chinese units, once the primary focus of Japanese war efforts, have
begun wasting away with nothing to do but maintain garrisons in
cities and hold mountain passes. For a people that thrive on
receiving attention from outsiders, this state of affairs is nothing
short of disastrous; the farms of peasants can only fill so many
soldiers' bellies, with the remaining millions left relying on
Japanese war plans and Western press. Please, Prime Minister
Obenshojo, think of the poor Chinese soldiers.
An Allied perspective on the Eastern Front...
War for Peace and Stability Yomiuri
22 October 1941. Tokyo: Today, the Empire of Japan has shown that,
unlike countless other nations, it will not be pushed around by
Western powers. After months of saber-rattling by the United States
and Britain, an imperial declaration stated that there “could be no
solution to the Western menace other than total war.” The
declaration went on to state that “President Broosevelt has, with
malicious intent, worked to destabilize the East with the goal of
usurping the authority of ancient and righteous governments. Today,
our Empire cries out as one: ‘America bad, America dishonorable!’
Furthermore, our Empire seeks to liberate those lands which has been
occupied by British invaders.” Time will tell how the war might go,
but many Japanese subjects are already planning for vacations in the
provinces formerly known as the Philippines, the Dutch East Indies,
Germany Celebrates "We Love and Appreciate Italy Day"
Deutsche Zeitung 6 Feb 1942. Dateline Berlin. Acknowledging the
contributions of the Italian armed forces and the leadership of El
Douche, Germany declared 6 Feb thereafter to be a national holiday
to celebrate all thing Italian. In a speech broadcast across the
world, the Fuhrer was lavish in his praise. "Vithout ze Italians,
there would be no greater Reich, no hope for peace, and no high
quality pasta." Italian strategists are widely credited for the
German successes in the Soviet Union, more recently in Scotland, for
the early victories in Poland and France, and for the shocking wins
of the Japanese in China and Siberia. Furthermore, the Italians are
now acknowledged as having invented technology and the concept of
fun. "On zis day, ve are all Italians!" proclaimed the Fuhrer. A
mass movement is afoot in America to establish a similar national
Britain's Bravest Give up on Britain, Abandon Millions to Their
Fate. London Times 8 Feb 1942. Dateline London. In a
public address delivered at Heathrow airport, PM of Britain, Dosh
Garnit, announced that was giving up on the people on England. "You
hardly deserved the kind of leader I am," said Garnit, "I would not
even switch my laundry day for any of you rapscallions." The
harshness of the words were left unexplained as he boarded a plane
for an undisclosed location. PM Garnit continues to draw a salary
despite his open abandonment of his position, even though this
reporter has learned that His Majesty's government has suspended his
passport. The true leader of Britain, King Hines V, explained: "We
are losing the war. Garnit's leadership has managed to bring us this
far, so we must hope that he will return to us and finish the job."
Two unconfirmed reports suggest that Dosh Garnit has been offered
political asylum in Italy, Germany, and the United States. This
reporter will say, however, that as Darnit's plane was leaving he
thought he heard the voice of the PM saying "God Save the King!"
Releases First Official Announcement of 1942. Tass 9 Feb
1942. This week, the Kremlin 2 released their first press statement
in months, broadcasting to the world for all who would listen.
Excerpts from the speech included justification for the current
state of the nation, now fighting in brutally outnumbered and
outgunned engagements along the Volga river, as well as a heartfelt
command for good spirits across the nation. The peoples of occupied
Russia were advised to sharpen their plows and to await any
opportunity to strike at the German oppressors. Highlights from the
- "The noble incompetence of my predecessor cannot be overstated,
particularly in light of the costly resolution of the Manchurian
dispute, whose unfavorable result should be attributed entirely to
him. His family is now atoning in a Soviet volunteer work camp."
- "Our Russian armies are already beginning to envelop the enemy,
forcing him into costly engagements and poorly executed attacks. Our
aircraft tear his from the skies (condolences to the families of the
pilots lost in battle) and our reserves are ever ready to move
- "Any children above the age of 12 are now to be registered for
future enlistment. Might be actual enlistment."
- "Make ready for war, Soviet peoples. Our time will come again. Our
time has come."
Absent German Leadership Cedes Power to Italian High Command
Deutsche Zeitung 3 March 1942. Dateline Berlin. Germans
everywhere were stunned but apparently secretly pleased when the
leader of Germany, Herr Crockerabsent, agreed in principle to an
annexation of Germany by Italy. After a crushing defeat in the
European Basketball Finals apparently Crocketabsent had a breakdown
of confidence. "My jumpshot is not good enough, so I must turn to
those who can really play. Dis vill form a greater reich under the
leadership of El Douche. He has proven to be everything that the
people of Europe have ever needed and wanted, and I have seen his
outside shot, which is not actually too bad." Chancellor Galeforce
immediately disputed the announcement and has called for a national
referendum on the issue. Current polling has the nation split, 46%
in favor of union and 46% against, with a critical 8% of the vote
undecided (12% to the numerically challenged).
Hot from the
funny papers in the United States....