August 5th, 2020


World in Flames: Spring 2018 Campaign

     “Dosh Garnet!"


Germany: Auberon Crocker, Ryan Gale
Japan: Austin Obenshain
Italy: Hight
Commonwealth: Tyler Hines, Garnet Crocker
USA/China: David McElrath, Alex Abbott
France/Russia: Shelby Hanna (David McElrath)

Bids:                                     Game Called Jul/Aug 1942 - Decisive Axis Victory (Germany/Italy/Japan)

Germany (3)                               America (4th)
Japan (3)                                    CW (5th)
Italy (-5)                                     France/USSR (6th)
Commonwealth (2)
USA/China (-2)
France/Russia (-1)



Sept/Oct 1939: The fall offensive into Poland goes well for the Germans, who take Warsaw and Lodz in 3 impulses without loss. The army then mostly streams... south? The second round of impulses sees the weather turn bad and not much happens. Third impulse the weather clears again and Germany declares war on both Denmark and the Netherlands! The Germans spend 3 offensive points to take a Land/Naval. Their raider slip past the blockading British fleet and then spread out across the North Atlantic. One of them has a DIV which invades and takes Iceland. The rest of the fleet does its damage, completely severing the CW convoy line from North America. That same turn the Italians declare war on France and Britain, all but one of the naval attacks from the Italians fail, but in the Western Med the Italian navy strikes some blows, sinking the Warspite and the Strasbourg while damaging the Lorraine. The French and British retreat with their tails between their legs. The turn runs short to the dismay of the Axis.
  In the Pacific the Japanese load up in northern China and assault the northern wing of the line. They suffer a loss but take a key mountain hex, unhinging the Chinese line. The Chinese fall back in the north, but manage by good fortune and good play to prevent the Japanese from capturing Si-an or breaking the line completely. At the end of the turn a task force of Japanese ships and troops rebase to Somalia. A Chinese partisan appears in north China. The US, buoyed by poor US entry rolls of the Axis, picks two options (occupy Greenland and start Chinese A/C).

Nov/Dec 1939: The Axis win initiative (12 to 10 on the rolls) but the weather starts bad. Germany spends the first impulse continuing to move its army into place, heading south along the Hungarian border. Italy takes a naval but fails to find a single ship, or fish for that matter. Japanese naval units appear off the coast of Persia, but poor weather prevents any operations. The second impulse arrives and the snow falls. Germany is impatient and activates Hungary and declares war on Yugoslavia (another US entry shift). Despite the snow the Germans are fortunate, taking Belgrade and Zagreb without loss immediately. The Italians finally decide to push into Egypt, and Axis forces there - reinforced by a quality German corps, head east towards Alexandria.
  In the third impulse the weather shockingly clears. The Germans declare war on Belgium (irritating the Americans yet again) and take Brussels, but the win is costly (2/2 on the roll - A German ARM DIV dies in the effort). Japan also decides to use the good weather and invades Persia, taking an oil field. Simultaneously they launch an assault on Si-an, which fails (1/1). The manuevering in northern China, however, now sees the Chinese line bent backwards and the Japanese have 5 (!) hexes on Si-an. How long will the communist stronghold last? Given the approaching winter, perhaps a long time. Italy pushes forward and seizes Alexandria.
  The turns surprisingly ends early on the German turn to the dismay of the British who were about to claim the Belgian shipping in Rotterdam. The CW convoy line, however, is completely repaired and no losses are taken in the turn. With the onset of winter proper, the German army is strung out between Yugoslavia and Belgium, but the Wehrmacht is only one hex away from the French border. The turns have been surprisingly short, however, to the advantage of the Allies.

Jan/Feb 1940: The Axis win initiative, but the weather stays sour. The Axis start by closing the Suez canal when the DAK infantry shuts the northern end of the waterway. The Italians follow up with massive naval maneuvers, but poor training results in 4 missed search rolls over 4 sea areas. The Italians pledge to fight on nonetheless. Incompetence is no bar to warfare. The Germans, however, fare significantly better. They use the initiative to assault Lille (+11 even in the snow and take it without loss) and pop a hole in the French lines two hexes south of Lille (take the hex but take casualties). The rupture causes the French to retreat back towards Paris. In the next impulse the Germans eliminate another French corps and cut off the BEF in Calais. The Italians (with a tiny bit of German support) assault Cairo and take the Egyptian capital. The Italians also invade Cyprus, conquer the horn of Africa and liberate the A-E Sudan. The Japanese press inland but nearly make a mistake, leaving a GUN alone. The spunky Chinese move with Chiang and assault Canton! Fortunately for the Japanese, the attacks goes badly, killing two Chinese corps and leaving the city in the hands of the Axis.
  As is becoming the norm, the turn ends early with only two impulses for each side. The US interns the French CV Bearn despite international protest over the illegal action.

Mar/Apr 1940: The Axis lose initiative, but demand a reroll and win the second round, electing to go first. The Germans continue to attack towards Paris and punch a hole in the line just west of Metz. Three attacks are made, one successfully, one that was a minor win, and one +9 blitz that failed. The French see an opportunity to counterattack a lone Ger MECH but perform badly (roll a '3') and fail. The Germans have 3 hexes on Paris at turn's end. The Italians continue to be aggressive in the naval realm. Four searches for combat occur and again the Italians are mostly ineffective, missing on three searches. In the Western Med, however, the Italians engage the CW. The Italians have 2 cruisers damaged, but he CW lose the Repulse and the CA Cumberland is damaged. The Italians roll into Suez, but a CW force still holds the other side of the canal.
  The Soviets DOW the Baltics, but the Americans seem not to care. The Japanese solidify their hold on the Persian oil fields and maneuver in China, but not much action occurs. The Japanese cannot seem to eliminate the Si-an pocket. A partisan appears in northern China to the dismay of all. The French manage to sneak a TRS with an INF from Tunisia back to France despite Italian efforts to nail it (failed two search rolls).
  Yet again the turn ends early (defined as ending on a roll of '1' - four straight turns), causing much consternation in the Axis camp. The US does not pick an entry option. Weird whispers are heard in the Allied camp. Fears about an early French defeat?

May/June 1940: Summer comes and the world lets loose in an orgy of violence. The Axis win the first initiative roll; the Allies demand a reroll, but lose the second roll as well. The Axis go first. Impulse by impulse will be easier.
  Imp 1 (Axis): Germans take a land/naval. They send the navy out to raid, but the picket fleet in the North Sea catches them. The ensuing battle is bloody. The CW have 4 BBs damaged while the Germans have 1 BB and 1 CA damaged. None of the subs find their target. The Italians also go naval hunting and finally the training takes effect. No convoys are found (3 misses) but Axis air find the CW in the Eastern Med keeping the British Desert Force in supply. The Ark Royal is sunk, the CV Furious and the CA Cornwall are damaged. Germans ground-strike Paris, surrounding hexes, and the British in Calais. The Paris bombing gets 5 of 6 units but the Germans fail to flip even a single other unit! The Germans kill more stakc of French and have 4 hexes on Paris. The Japanese launch a great +10 assault on Si-an only to fail again, flipping almost all of their Chinese army.
  Imp 2 (Allied): The evil Soviets declare war on Japan and lurch into a mostly undefended Manchuria, presumably to help the beleaguered Chinese. No attacks are made, but the Soviets take a resource point and face little opposition. The French try to organize their lines to protect Paris, but the situation is looking bleak. The CW try to establish a stronger presence in the Med and send a protected TRS to pick up the 7-3 INF corps (the Italians groundstuck and flipped Wavell). The Italians catch them, however, and sink the TRS with the INF aboard. After a few other ships are aborted the CW leave the seazone to the Italian NAV. The US continues to behave strangely, uttering odd phrases about "We good" and generally eschewing the use of verbs.
  Imp 3 (Axis): The Germans load up on Paris and attack the BEF pocket. The pocket is crushed, but it costs the Germans an ARM DIV. Paris, however, is taken by airborne assault without loss - the proud capital of France is once again at the mercy of the Wehrmacht. The Italians cross the Suez canal and eliminate Wavell without loss, clearing Egypt (and the canal) of Allied forces. Only the brave Palestinian Territorial force remains defending Jerusalem. The Japanese struggle to form a line against the advancing Soviets, although the invasion now looks less wise as the French collapse. Can the Soviets achieve their objectives and get back to defend against any potential German designs?
  Imp 4 (Allied): The Soviets still push deeper into Manchuria and the Chinese push forward as well, seeking to unhinge the Japanese defensive positions in northern China. The French try to counterattack out of the Metz area back towards Paris, but the attack fails painfully. The CW contemplates a war against Germany and Italy alone. The CW has lost both of their HQs and some naval assets, but has a growing force in India and a sizeable airforce in the UK.
  Imp 5 (Axis): The weather stays clear.  The Germans eliminate a French corps outside of Metz and one of the two stacks of French corps outside of Paris. Other German corps start to push southward. Is Germany seeking to conquer France and not just Vichy? The Italians push into Tunisia and also into Palestine, killing the TER there. The Japanese continue to struggle to maintain a line in Manchuria and in China, but the theatre looks stable. They do attack a Communist unit in northern China, killing and retaking a Chinese resource, but they suffer the loss of an INF corps.
  Imp 6 (Allied): The French reposition in the Maginot, but do not have much left. The Chinese decide on a gamble and pull Mao out of Si-an (most of the Japanese units are flipped after a failed attack) in order to save it and put another communist reinforcement in. The gamble later will in fact pay off. The CW tries to defend its convoy lines.
  Imp 7 (Axis): The Germans are prepared to assault Metz, but the weather turns unexpectedly bad. So instead there is a molasses like movement of German units in France in the mud. Not much happens. The Italians push into Syria, taking Damascus and Amman without a fight. The Japanese shuttle troops, reinforcing Canton and dropping additional units in Manchuria. The line against the Soviets starts to look defensible.
  Imp 8 (Allied): In the bad weather not much happens. The Soviets try to raid the Japanese convoy lines, but lose a sub damaged for their efforts. The French continue to weep at their losses in the war. No attacks or shifts on any of the fronts. Despite the previous pattern, the turn shockingly continues. This is the first turn in the game to push past an ending die roll of '2.'
  Imp 9 (Axis) The weather clears and the Germans make the most of it, assaulting and taking Metz without loss and streaming south to the border of Spain. The intentions of the Germans look clear: they want to force Franco to make a decision and join the Axis. The Italians activate Iraq as an ally (with 4 corps in Syria) and push into Algeria. Italians also push into southern France as the French try to organize a defense. Japan strengthens its line in Manchuria and prepares for more action in China next turn. The turn again continues.
  Imp 10 (Allied) The French decide to try and re-establish convoy lines into France and their last factory (Marseilles). The Italians have been trying all turn to find the Allies in the Western Med (four failed attempts) and fail yet again. The French succeed. The Soviets look to be arranging for an attack in Manchuria, but nothing comes of it. Stunningly, the turn continues. An opportunity for the Axis?
  Imp 11 (Axis). No. The weather turns sour again, frustrating Axis plans. The Germans manage to get a few corps on the Spanish border and a few planes, but not much. The Italians push their army into Iraq. Nothing of significance in the Pacific. The turn then ends, shifting initiative against the Axis.

Jul/Aug 1940: The Axis win initiative. Japan opens up with a 3rd assault on Si-an and this time is the charm, taking the city without loss (although US opinion was impacted). This helps improve the Japanese line in China significantly. Most of the fun in the Pacific is then provided by the Russians who attack twice in Manchuria. The first +6 assault fails with no losses and the second one fails with a Soviet loss. The Soviets also try to strategically bomb northern Japan but fail. Although the Soviets control one Manchurian resources, the growing threat from Europe is making the venture look less enticing.
  Germany spends the first impulse along with the Italians raiding convoys. The CW suffers serious convoy losses in two sea zones but no other naval losses. Italy loses a sub and the Germans have one damaged. The next impulse Germany and Italy declare war on Spain! The Spanish defend the Ebro river line and hold the Germans and Italians back for four impulses before the Germans finally assault and capture Madrid on a +13 assault utilizing airborne assault. The Italians seek to liberate Algeria, but the stalwart defenders there exact a heavy price, killing both of the attacking Italian corps. Italy will have to reinforce and send new troops to take the now undefended Algiers.
  Italy and Germany take out their frustrations by declaring war on Persia, joining Japan in their crusade against Bolshevism. Not much happens - the Axis just lurch into Western Persia. The turn, returning to form, ends early (roll of '2'), depriving the Axis of much needed relocation time. Gibraltar looks to be an obvious target now and the CW did reinforce it with added corps and DIVs, but their losses in France and Egypt mean that they do not have a lot to spare. The Germans at the end of the turn do start moving units to the Soviet border as well.
  The US picks "Murrow Reports" which allows them to modify European tension rolls - American entry is definitely far in advance of its historical position.

Sept/Oct 1940: The Axis wins the first initative rolls, but the Allies demand a reroll and win initiative as a result. The weather starts clear, but bounces back and forth between clear and stormy all turn. The Allies protect convoys and strategically bomb Germany, taking 2 BPs from them (first strat casualties of the game I believe).
  The Germans flow south and in the second impulse kill a CW ENG defending outside of Gibraltar. The Italians deploy the fleet, ferrying German troops over to the Er Rif. Despite massive naval moves, the Italians cannot knock the CW out of the Cape Verde Basin in their third impulse. The Axis decide to assault Gibraltar anyway, and the paratroopers win the day (plus an '18' on the attack roll). Gibraltar falls to the Italians with German help. The Italians also take Algeria while the Germans take Morocco. After the fall of Gibraltar the turns goes unexpectedly long, The Germans build up on the Portuguese border but send the rest of the troops to France and/or the Soviet border. The Italians do late turn raiding and finally find the CW to good effect, decimating the CW convoys off of Gibraltar and cutting the link. The CAs Fiji and Canberra are sunk. Subs in the North Atlantic chip away as well, lowering the CW build for the turn. The Axis push deeper into Persia, but no action is seen.
  The Japanese and Chinese escalate their conflict. The Japanese cut off the Chinese access to Chang-Sha by killing a unit in the mountains and then mass around the area, threatening the 2 resource points and the city of Chang-Sha itself. At the end of the turn a partisan appears, taking a resource point from the Japanese.
  On the Japo-Soviet front, the Russians notice the wall of grey appearing in the west and start a tactical withdrawal. What looks to be a defensive line is built and freed troops are railing to the west.
  The biggest news of the turn, however, is US entry, which is clearly accelerated. The fall of Gibraltar and other events have pushed US belligerence to a new high as the rhetoric coming from the US is increasingly shrill. The US gifts destroyers to the CW to help their war effort.

Nov/Dec 1940: The Allies win initiative, but after consultation decide to let the Axis go first to preserve initiative for the coming summer. The weather shocks everyone: clear! Germany decides to take a joint land/naval and declares war on Portugal. Under the cover of the impressive Italian fleet, a German DIV takes the Azores in the North Atlantic and the Portuguese are no match for the Wehrmacht. The Italians and Germans also have a surprisingly good turn chewing on convoys, sinking a great many of them (over 10), sinking the CA Exeter and damaging the CVL Hermes. The Germans reinforce Iceland with a corps but have their TRS damaged in the process. The Italians push into Persia and are close to surrounding Tehran.
  The Japanese continue to find their stride in China, clearing the two resource hexes in the south with a +10 attack next to Chang-Sha that succeeds. The Communist Chinese try to reply with an attack in the north, but fail (2/1) and weaken their own lines. The Japanese also kill a pesky PART in the north and otherwise strengthen their lines. Onlly Changa-Sha remains in the rear as the Japanese hold a line in central China along the mountain range outside of Cheng-tu. The Soviets are now clearly attempting a slow tactical withdrawal in Manchuria, but there is no word of peace talks. Russian units move west to Poland.
  At the end of the turn the Germans install a Vichy government to the sadness of the Italians (who lose a resource point they were receiving). The Axis control Gibraltar to Egypt, France to the Soviet border. And then the sadness sets in for the Axis: US entry is so advanced that the US gears up in 1940. Panic has not set in, but the American player needs to stop dancing and saying "we good."
  Please. Please stop.

Jan/Feb 1941: The new year find the Axis with initiative, and despite generally poor weather, the turn goes long. Germany starts by activating Rumania as an ally and German troops start pouring into the nation. The Italians go convoy hunting, taking a few and managing to damage the BB Renown and the CA Kent. The Italians also take Aden. A joint German-Italian force assaults Tehran, but fails miserably (2/1 on a +8 assault). The Japanese manage to take Chang-Sha (and without irritating the US), giving them a rationalized line without pockets. The Soviets pull back suddenly from their positions immediately on the German border, but they stay the course in Manchuria. 8-9 corps are still in Manchuria despite the looming threat from the west. The Soviets also put two corps in Baku and two more corps north of Afghanistan to protect Tashkent. The turn ends with four impulses each. The US relocates the fleet to Pearl Harbor (again, more ominous signs of advanced US entry) and elects to escort in the US East Coast with aircraft.

Mar/Apr 1941: Disaster for the Axis. The Allies win initiative, roll terrible weather, and then the Axis only get one impulse before the turn ends at its earliest possibility on the roll of a '1.' Italy does bring Afghanistan into the war (without US irritation) but otherwise accomplishes exactly nothing. The Germans get one impulse worth of troop movement, but their forces are not fully transferred to the east. No convoys are found, no losses occur. Basically not much happens except the CW repairs some convoy lines. The Allies rejoice. The US freezes Japanese assets and passes a bill to allow resources to flow to the USSR.

May/June 1941: The Axis win initiative and the weather starts clear. After a lengthy debate and some internal dissention, the German players return to the board and decide to declare war on the USSR. Finland is activated as a minor ally. The Germans have two middle-sized attacks fail in central Poland (half flipping two German stacks and killing 3 German units), but a crucial blitz attack on the Rumanian border is a stunning success that pockets Zhukov and three other corps. In the north the Germans pocket Kaunas, isolating 8 Soviet corps without loss (but all the attacks were automatics). The Soviets were caught switching to a new defensive posture by the short Mar/Apr turn.
  The Italians regroup and assault Tehran, this time taking the city without loss (+8 assault wins!) Japan activates Siam and is furiously reshuffling troops in China and Manchuria. Perhaps the threat of the evil American empire looms large?
  In impulse 3 (second Axis impulse) the Japanese militarize the Marshalls and activate Siam as an ally. Germany activates Bulgaria. Only the Marshall occupation shifts US entry. The Germans press forward, eliminating the Kaunas pocket in the north and killing Zhukov and a MECH corps in the south. The Soviets have a sizable pocket by Odessa and Kiev fully defended. In the north Minsk has 4 corps defending plus reserves scattered in various cities. The Germans push up to the Persia/Russia border. The Italians go convoy hunting and find some fortune, sinking 2 CONVs and aborting 2 while sinking the Polish DD group and the CAs Berwick, Suffolk, and Birmingham to the loss of the CA Duc d'Aosta. The Allied impulse follows see the CW mass a reaction fleet to hunt the Italians, but despite clear weather the two massive navies do not find one another. The Soviets form hedgehog positions to slow the Germans and redeploy planes for efficient defense.
  Impulse 5 starts with the Italians fleeing the Faroes Gap in the face of superior British naval power.  Italian TERs push southward, taking Kenya and Tanganyika. The Germans start chipping away at the large pockets, killing Soviet units but not advancing into the depths of Russia.
  Happy with the brief reprieve the Soviets reorganize their air force to better defend the front without worries about losing face-down aircraft. The CW takes a land and starts shuffling corps around England, moving units to ports. Could there be an offensive in the offing?
  In impulse seven the Germans start reducing pockets, killing 4 Soviet corps (two outside of Odessa and the last two outside of Kaunas). The rest of the army lumbers forward.  Japan reinforces the Manchurian front and rationalizes the Chinese line, but there is no action.
  The Germans then try two 50/50 (+9 assaults) attacks in impulse nine, one on Minsk and one on Odessa - but both fail. The Germans lose two corps but do reduce the defenders a bit. Overall German combat rolls have been slightly below average, but they are progressing into the USSR anyway. The Italian-led Caucasus Front sees Baku cut off and a German corps take Tiflis and the near oil fields.
  The weather stays clear for impulse nine and the Germans again take two 50/50 attacks on both Minsk and Odessa. This time they take the cities, but the casualties continue to mount as the Germans take another casualty in each attack. The German ENG is lost taking Odessa, but the way is now clear through the Ukraine and only a lonely Soviet face-down HQ remains before Vitebsk near Minsk. Afghani units push into the soft underbelly of the Soviet Union, cutting off two resources from factories, but there is no combat action.
  On impulse11 the weather is still clear and the now surprisingly smaller Wehrmacht pushes forward, reaching Kiev and the Dnieper. Rostov is taken undefended and the Soviets lose a BB and CA there that were overrun. Lead elements of German armor approach some face-down Soviet aircraft as they push across the Crimea into Krasnodar. The Soviets respond as best they can, bleeding the Germans for each city (or so it seems).
  The turn continues, but the weather turns sour (rolled a '1' - bringing snow to the USSR!). The bad weather comes at the right time for the Soviets, who manage to save their face-down TAC. The Germans eliminate the last of the Minsk pocket even in the snow. The way is clear to Vitebsk and beyond to Moscow. The turn ends, shifting initiative back to the center position.
  The big news, however, is that German aggression is clearly irritating US opinion. The US passes an additional War Appropriation act, churning up the factories. The US now builds at 30 per turn - and really early (May/June!). There is grumbling amongst the Axis and a hopeful glean in the eyes of the Allies.
July/August 1941: The Axis win the first initiative roll, but the Allies demand a reroll and win initiative. The weather is, of course, bright and sunny. The CW starts by beefing up their convoy lines in the hopes of larger builds and sends the navy to protect those lines. The Soviets take their new reinforcements and push back west in the center of the line to reoccupy Kursk. Most Soviet reinforcements went to the Moscow front, but Kiev and other cities in the Ukraine are still held by the Soviets. A thin line is still holding in Manchuria against the Japanese.
  The Axis stay aggressive in impulse two. The Japanese flip one Soviet corps in Harbin and then launch a ballsy +8 assault - which succeeds! The Japanese have cut the Soviet line in Manchuria in half. The Italians take a naval but oddly post the fleet in the Bay of Biscay. Subs are sent elsewhere and several CONVs are lost in the Canadian Coast. The Italians tried to catch the Eagle in the southern Indian Ocean, but failed. The Germans take a +10 on Kiev and secure it without loss. The rest of the army needs to reorganize and push forward, which it does. The army reaches the outskirts of Vitebsk and flows around Dneproptevsk in the south.
  The Allies in impulse 3 go on the offensive. The CW kills a partisan in India and the Soviets go on a groundstrike frenzy - and hit every one. As a result the 7-6 DAK is flipped out of supply south of Tula and the Soviets coutnerattack and kill it without loss. The Japanese breakthrough is stymied as Soviet bombers there also flip all the lead elements of the Japanese in Harbin. The Soviets use the reprieve to pull back in safety much to the disgruntlement of the Japanese.
  Seeking to exact revenge, the Germans in impulse 4 assault and clear Vitebsk (+14 assault) and take Dneproptevsk but suffer a loss. The larger news is that the Italian navy covers an invasion! German forces land in Northern Ireland. The CW fly and clear defensive TAC. The Germans perform poorly, but a single corps survives (loss of a corps and INF DIV). The following impulse the Italians land and then advance to take Belfast.
  The CW shifts forces northward and the Soviets are finally beginning to run out of units. The Soviets have stopped the breakthrough in Manchuria - but probably only briefly. They pull back around Vladivostok and try to extricate two isolated corps in western Manchuria. The Soviets do have lots of reinforcements coming in and will likely have plenty to build with this turn, but the Axis are starting to eat up territory and resources.
  In impulse six the Germans advance towards Moscow and eastern Ukraine. The Soviets counter by doubling up, but in impulse eight the Germans attack the reinforced Kursk, killing both units and overrunning two aircraft. The Germans also take Kalinin near Moscow, but suffer another loss. The Italians with some German help assault Baku, but the attack goes wrong when the German forces do not properly cooperate. The Italians take the losses (2/1 on a +7 assault) and Baku remains in Soviet hands.
  The 9th impulse is fairly quiet. The Soviets huddle, the CW shifts forces inside the UK. The next impulse the Germans and Italians damage the Neth TRS is Glasgow and do some minor CONV damage to the British, who are struggling to hold the convoys lines now that the Axis have air bases around England.
  The last two impulses see the Germans pushing east, surrounding Moscow and connecting the rail line in the south to the oil fields. Four German corps with von Bock head to the Turkish border. The Italians push up reinforcements towards Baku, but the city continues to hold. The Italians are still waiting for a successful attack. The turn ends in the 12th impulse. The US imposes an oil embargo, hurting Japan, and chooses to lend-lease to the Allies. Rumblings of the US entering the conflict abound.

Sept/Oct 1941: The Axis barely win initiative and go first. Alas, the weather starts out horrible ('10' on the roll). The Japanese take a naval and fan out across the Pacific - could they be trying a sneaky attack on the Allies? In the bad weather the Germans and Italians maneuver but no attacks are made. The CW sails out again and re-establishes their convoy lines with protection, safe in the bad weather.
  Impulse 3 see the weather clear slightly. In the rain soaked fields of central Russia the Germans assault Moscow (+10) and take the city without loss. The way is now clear to the Urals! The Soviet wisely elected to bring in their reinforcements there, so a new line awaits the Germans. The Axis do some raiding and manage to damage a CW CA and BB (the Barham), but not much else is done. The Japanese continue to posture and push further north into Manchuria. The Soviet line there has collapsed into a pocket around Vladivostok. The British defend their lines whlie the Soviets move reinforcements up to their new line.
  In impulse 5 the weather suddenly clears. The Japanese decide they have had enough of American meddling and declare war on them, France, and the CW. Japanese carriers strike Pearl, sinking the Saratoga, Yorktown, and Lexington, but the crafty Americans take no other real losses because they hid their ships in amongst old CONVs that took the other losses. The Japanese take Rabaul and Batavia. They also land next to Calcutta, but the attack goes badly (rolled a '3') and the troops are disorganized. The failure will prove costly! The Japanese also kill a Soviet corps in Manchuria and push into Siberia proper, reclaiming their resource in Manchuria and cutting the trans-Siberian line. The Italians use their MAR div to walk into Barrow and reinforce it with a German corps and Bagdoglio. The Axis are in Scotland! They also use the clear weather and a ton of NAV to seriously punish the CW in the Faroes Gap. The Italians do lose a sub damaged in other action. In Russia the Italians again attack Baku and again perform badly. But they do take the city with heavy casualties (2/1 rolled an 8 on the +8 assault).
  The Americans recover quickly and try to raid the Japanese convoy lines, but they are frustrated (but take no sub losses). The Americans sneak a 4-1 GAR into Guam at the end of the turn. Not much else happens and the turn ends with the Germans just making in onto the Asian map in northern Russia. No general war yet - the US does not attempt to be belligerent and the peace-loving Italians refuse to declare war on the USA.

Nov/Dec 1941: The Allies win initiative and elect to go first. The wiley sham-democracts in the US take the opportunity to sneak the 4-1 GAR into the previously undefended Calcutta just before the Japanese arrive to take the undefended city. Foiled! The US also take the opportunity and invade the Marshall Islands, taking several of the key air bases. Sub attacks again fail to find their target. Most importantly the US decides to try and declare war on Germany and Italy. Why you might ask? Germans and Italians everywhere were wondering the same. American Italians and Germans turned in mass protests and the US Congress reject Abbovelt's warmongering! (Die roll failed on a 70% chance.)
  The Axis take the opportunity and push. The joint Italo-German forces in Scotland press forward, taking more hexes and reinforcing. Manstein arrives in country as well to lead the east coast invasion of Scotland. The Germans push further onto the Asian map, meeting the new Soviet line. Forces trudge slowly to build up around Leningrad. The Japanese take Guam and land in the Philippines.
  The next impulse sees the weather turn clear (except in the arctic). The Germans in Russia continue to slowly advance, but they get the corps on the border of Turkey and activate the nation as a minor ally. Masses of Turkish troops pour into the Caucasus to oppress the Georgians and other Soviet citizens. The Italians use the clear weather to pour yet more NAV into the Faroes Gap and this time they finally find the CW. 2 CONV are sunk, the CVL Argus and old BC Erebus are sunk. The Nelson, Barham, and CA Gloucester are damaged. With the sea zone cleared, Scapa Flow is put out of supply and an Italian INF DIV seizes the port facilities.
  Impulse 5 (3rd Allied impulse) sees more clearish weather. The Americans solidify their hold on the Marshalls and fail to find Japanese convoys, but the subs are aborted. The US tries to declare war again on the Germans and Italians but again the morally outraged citizens prevent Congress from turning the US into a capitalist dictatorship. The measure to declare war fails! The Japanese in their impulse push around the Vladivostok pocket, making slow but noticeable gains. Burma, Malaya and the NEI (conquered last turn) see forces reshuffled. Germany pushes up to Leningrad and to the new Siberian front while taking care of partisan suppression. Mostly the spread out German airforce is trying to get to the new various fronts. The Italians in a bold surprise assault and take Glasgow on a +10 assault and win! Edinburgh is still held in the north, but there are no other CW holdings north of Leeds.
  The turn continues another even round of impulses. The Germans group around Leningrad and push towards the Ural line. The line stabilizes in Scotland. Japan attacks and kills a Chinese unit trying to infiltrate behind the lines, but their own line is thin in China. No major action is seen in the Pacific. The turn ends with the US not at total war, but all signs point to the likelihood of total war soon.

Jan/Feb 1942: The Axis win initiative despite an Allied reroll. The weather starts middling with snow covering most of Europe. The Germans take a land/naval and the Italians take a naval to send 4 more corps to Scotland and expand the landings there. Most importantly the Germans and Italians decide to support their ally Japan and declare war on the United States. Total war it is. Japan takes advantage of the first move and encircles Vladivostok, cutting off the city and seizing resources and the rail line.
  Impulse 2 sees the Allies taking quick stabs. A CW flotilla strikes at an Italian fleet and American FTRs seek a German NAV - but no combat occurs. The US pushes troops to the front in the Pacific.
  The weather turns really bad now (11 on the weather chart). Essentially nothing happens. The Germans push a few counters. The Italians move from the Caucasus to eastern Persia. Aircraft reposition across Europe with more air assets arriving in the British Isles and on the Soviet front. Japan moves slowly, holding Legaspi but not moving to take Manilla. The Pacific is sitzkrieg as the Japanese reduce the Soviet threat. The Allies respond with a similarly blah turn, shifting forces in England and in the Pacific.
  The weather clears on impulse 5 to snow again. Having waited out the storm, the Axis go on the offensive. The Italians with a small bit of German support assault and take Edinburgh without loss. The Germans, inspired by the Italians, assault Leningrad in the snow at +5 and take the city without loss! The factories were loaded and immediately add to the German war effort. Japan aligns Indochina and invade a new hex in India NW of Madras. The turn then ends, shifting initiative back to neutral.

Mar/April 1942: The Allies win initiative and elect to go first. The weather is middling for the season. The CW tighten their internal lines in England now that the Axis front has solidified. The Americans take a naval and the Soviets reinforce their lines in Siberia.
  The Axis appear to set up for something, but wind up in the poor weather just reinforcing the Scottish front with troops. The Italians go CONV hunting again and pick off a few more and sink the CV Glorious to the loss of a German FTR and Italian NAV. The Germans slowly push up a few more troops to the Soviet front - the distances are long!
  The Allies spend their impulses hunting Japanese CONVs and ships. The US manages to find and sink the CA Atago and damage the Takao. Japan focuses on the Soviets and does not move much around the Pacific. On the last impulse of the short turn the Axis collapse Vichy, adding another factory to the massive German economy.

May/June 1942: The Axis win initiative and elect to go first. The weather starts clear and the Axis move with alacrity. The Japanese sail out a fleet to bombard and assault Vladivostok. The attack succeeds without loss - the Soviets have lost their aggressive war! Negotiations for the Soviet surrender are already taking place.
  Meanwhile the Italians take a naval and the Germans a land/naval to launch massive attacks in England. An Italian bomber strat bombs Birmingham, taking 2 BPs and the Germans (under cover of Italian naval and air forces) invade Plymouth, assault Leeds, and attack east of Coventry. All the attacks succeed, critically weakening the British home defense.
  Not to be outdone, the Americans take a land/naval of their own and land forces in West Africa. The landing to retake Europe has begun. The Axis are caught unable to stop the operation and instead they send units to Morocco to try and build a defensive line. Italian and German land and air units are moving in that general direction. The Communist Chinese take a bold +4 assault and perform well, killing a Japanese INF corps and shattering the northern line in China (fortunately they all flipped, but the front looks precarious for the Japanese). American CONV raiders finally strike home, causing major losses to the Japanese in the South China Sea.
  Impulse 3 sees the Germans take a land/air to press the front, this time in Russia. The Germans try many airstrikes but find limited success. Several planes are shot down on both sides, so the Germans are slowly gaining air superiority. A German bomber takes 1 BP from Perm. Despite all the movement in Siberia, no attacks are made by the Germans, but a fair bit of airforce is moved up and then reorganized by the HQs. In England the landing force at Plymouth is reinforced and expands. A German corps walks into Birmingham, making the British defenses a single diagonal line from London to Liverpool. More maneuvering happens, but no attacks. The Japanese try to sink an undefended America TRS but cannot locate it. Japanese troops starts to reorganize in Manchuria - will they make it back to China in time to stabilize that front?
  The Allies spend their next impulse quietly. The Americans push northward through Senegal and beyond into Spanish Sahara, where they take Cisneros before the lead elements of the southward moving German forces can reach it. The Cape St. Verde sea zone looks to be a critical battle area in the coming months. Britain considers it options and hopes for some Axis failure while the Soviets huddle in Siberia. The CW ultimately decides to run with Alexander and their best ARM unit, relocating the fleet in Liverpool to Canada. Things look grim in England for the CW.
  Impulse 5 sees the renewal of Axis attacks. A +14 assault on Manchester sees the city fall to the Italians and Germans. It is clearly now only a matter of time with the size of the Axis forces there. The BB Warspite and CA Gambia are lost and overrun, while a AMPH improbably is captured by the advancing Axis forces. Germany also mounts a major attack on Kuibyshev. The +9 assault is a costly victory, costing the Germans two quality divs (an ARM div and MOT div), but the Germans take the strategic city. The Soviet defensive line now looks vulnerable. 
  The Allies in impulse 6 cement a front line in the sahara, reinforce the Marshalls, and attack Japanese shipping. Two Dutch ships under CW control find and sink 2 CONVs laden with oil from Persia. The Americans now have a sizeable land, air, and naval force in and around the Marshall Isles.
  Impulse 7 sees the destruction of England imminent. Brave RAF planes manage to lower a +16 attack on Coventry to a +12, but despite German casualties the city falls. All that remains is London and two stack of CW units. The Italians sortie and try to put the Americans in West Africa out of supply. They sink a Dutch cruiser, but fail to block the supply lines. More German and Italian troops stream south to Cisneros, a front has emerged there. Japan moves enough land based FTRs to the front to prompt a major sea battle with the Americans. Despite clearing 17 points of NAV, American armored hulls win the day. The CA Chicago is sunk, but two US CVs survive their kill rolls and are only damaged. No other losses (aside from air losses ) are reported.
  The CW decide to go down fighting and attempt a counterattack in England. The attempt is valiant, but timely Stukas intervene and the attack fails (no loss on either side, but the CW forces are flipped). Things look grim in England. Japan has been relocating the army from Manchuria and now the China front once again looks much stronger. In the following impulse Italy pushes toward Samarkand and the German attack a key hex north of Kubyshev, cracking the Soviet line there. Kazan is now threatened and the Soviets are considering a new rearward line. The Germans drop a PARA on London and attack it, taking it without loss. 
  The Allies pass except for the USSR and successfully end the turn. Although the CW vows to fight on, Great Britain sues for peace. The Americans, realizing the might of the Italian forces, sue for a negotiated peace.

The war ends with a shared decisive victory for the Axis players.





"American Does Real Good!" Dateline Washington D.C. AP Newswire. 30 Oct 1939. Reflecting on some of the early reverses suffered by their erstwhile allies France and Britain, the U.S. President gave a press conference to discuss American preparedness for war. "Naturally, we will seek to stay out of European and Asian matters that frankly do not concern us or American interests, but I want the world to know that if provoked, American does real good." President F.D. Rabbott left the conference without taking any questions.

"Italians Enter Just War After French Provocations." Dateline Roma Etsamatteru News Servive Intl. 30 Oct 1939. The French ambassador to Roma publicly insulted El Douche by suggesting at a state dinner function that the Glorious Leader was suboptimally handsome. "Eet is like de Italians do not know what hair product ees," said Shelee Hacron. "The Douche needs to see a stylist and improve his image." These words were then repeated by the ambassador in front of the international press. The ill-timed words apparently sabotaged critical negotiations that were taking place between the Fascist Utopia of Italy (FUI, pronounced 'fooey') and France. France was convicted in the international court of the League of Nations of illegal economic practices and espionage against Italy and was arranging reparations in closed-door meetings when the latest affront came. Dominic "The Pastamaker" Luigi, head of Italian foreign ministry, was similarly incensed when Admiral Darlan of the French fleet published an editorial in Le Monde claiming that the Italian navy was so backwards that they "could never sink or even damage a French ship in a million years of combat."
  In related news, shortly after hostilities broke out, the battleship Strasbourg was sunk by accurate Italian gunfire and the Lorraine was severely damaged in action off of the island of Corsica. Admiral Darlan has refused comment.
















Chinese Assault Fails, Blame Goes to MaocElrath  Chongqing Courier February 5, 1940--CHANG-SHA: Thousands of Nationalist Chinese forces met their doom last week as an ill-fated assault on a single gun emplacement went awry. Under the unusually inept command of Generals Chiang "What Are Guns?" Kai-shek and MaocElrath "I Was Supposed To Give Them Bullets?" Zedavid, a series of assaults against a single Japanese artillery piece failed. The Japanese commander defending the city of Canton had installed twelve-foot-deep trenches around the gun emplacement, so as the Chinese soldiers advanced, they fell into the trench, where they were either crushed by falling compatriots or starved to death after weeks in the trench with no food. MaocElrath, for his part, has owned up to the mistake or sending waves at the gun from all directions. "Instead of launching simultaneous assaults from all points of the compass, I should have had all of our men charge in a straight line from one direction. Then their dead bodies would have piled up enough for us to walk straight across the trench and take the gun." Gruesome though the scene might have been, it would nonetheless have been more effective than sending in unarmed soldiers to die meaningless deaths while serving the second purpose of completely destroying any semblance of a defensive line in southern China.






Broosevelt Promises Continued American Excellence  New York Times April 6, 1940--WASHINGTON: In his first address to the citizens of the United States since the closure of the Suez Canal, President Alexander Broosevelt reaffirmed that the United States was the greatest nation in the world. He pointed to America's continued neutrality amidst global chaos and conflagration as a primary indicator of American strength. When asked if he would consider sending American troops to support longtime allies like the United Kingdom and France, Broosevelt responded, "Nah. We good." (He also did a weird dance-like move that this reporter would prefer never to see again.) -- VIDEO REQUESTED -- Later, when asked if the American Army and Navy would benefit from increased defense spending, Broosevelt declared, "America real good. America real strong." A man of few words, Broosevelt tends to lead by example. God help us all.








FRENCH TROOPS CHOOSE LOVE NOT WAR Berliner Gazette 14 May 1940. -- PARIS:  After the stunning fall of Paris earlier in this week, the French military high command expected to begin their campaign to retake the city with a smashing counterattack west of Metz. Instead, what they got was a dismal failure. According to official reports, untold thousands of French soldiers bravely threw themselves at the German lines in defense of their homeland, but were tragically cut down. The entire effort ended with only a handful of German casualties for the loss of several entire French infantry divisions and 20,000 French lives.
  However, new reports coming from the front lines paint a decidedly different story. According to anonymous sources, instead of heroically fighting to retake Paris, the French soldiers ordered to counterattack instead walked up to the German lines and voluntarily handed over their weapons to them without a fight. One French soldier, who identified himself only as Captain Rendre, is quoted to have said, “Oui, we Frenchmen are not very good at fighting anymore. Making food and love? That we’re good at, but war? Non. The Germans are naturally superior to us in all things war-like, so we decided to take our wine and cheese and return home to our lovers.”
  The French Premier, Shelby Hétain, could not be reached to comment on the discrepancy between the official and unofficial reports. Premier Hétain was last seen shouting “Paris will never fall! I’d stake my life on it!” as he raced to catch the last train out of the city with his staff, the city government, and the entire French military leadership of Paris close behind him.

British Navy to roll out new state-of-the-art scuba suits in stage two of new “BAD” plan. BBC news 15 May 1940. –- London: The United Kingdom’s Minister of the Navy, Tyler “convoys can defend themselves” Hines, met with the British press today to deliver a stunning announcement: “From now on all of our ships will be decked out with state-of-the-art scuba suits!” Hines’ announcement comes at a time when his job is in question and could be seen as a last-ditch attempt to win back public favor. So far in the war the minister has been under fire from the British media and people over the loss of countless convoys, transports, and other valuable British ships. However, the minister appeared quite ecstatic over the new plan saying, “Now when our ships inevitably sink, our men can just slip on a scuba suit and swim back to England!” The shocking plan is the second step of Britain’s new revolutionary war strategy titled “BAD” (Britain’s Amazing Decisions). The first step of the plan was to abandon any land the British Prime Minister, Garnet Wolseley Crockhill, deemed “too sandy”. The first part of the plan has been carried out with smashing success so far as several Italian ravioli chefs managed to capture Egypt with the aid of prime German units. However, since the news broke of the inevitable fall of Paris, Crockhill has been missing from the public eye for several weeks now. Reports from the Prime Minister’s office indicated that the Minister was busy working on the problem in France, but shocking new tabloid reports have seen witnesses accuse the P.M. of appearing at a “yodeling club” and one witness, a student at Oxford, says his pig-Latin professor looks strikingly like the missing Minister, but with an impressive handlebar mustache. In Crockhill’s absence Hines has been thrust into command and appears to be hitting the ground running. As one high-ranking English officer said, “We’re all extremely confident in Mr. Hines’ leadership. Mr. Hines is of the philosophy that extensive reading will lead to military success and has spent most of our war meetings entrenched in his books.” With the fall of France imminent, America’s continued neutrality, and the Russian invasion into Manchuria, Britain may soon stand alone against the armies of fascism. Before leaving his press conference Hines assured the British people, “Believe in Crockhill and believe in me. Together we shall save Britain with our BAD strategies!” As the Allied war effort rolls on all hopes now ride on Britain’s BAD plans.









































Italian Military Key to Seizure of Gibraltar Milano Cookies 12 September 1940. Thanks to the bravery of the Italian navy and air corps, Axis units triumphantly accepted the surrender of Commonwealth forces at Gibralter yesterday evening. Italian officials and military support units are already in place to administer the strategic gateway to the Mediterranean. "The Italian navy lifted German support troops to the Er Rif, provided the critical bombardment that made the English see the folly of continuing the fight, and developed the attack plan from start to finish. We are proud of our Italian fighting men and women!" So said Rudolpho Rudolpho, the spokesman for the Italian foreign ministry. "Italy has now realized its dream not seen since the Roman Empire - a truly Italian lake called the Mediterranean."













Unbowed by External Pressure, American President Continues to "Be a Bro" Chicago Tribune December 18, 1940--Returning to the scene of his nomination for a third term as president, President Alexander Broosevelt spoke triumphantly to voters in Chicago yesterday. Just over a month after winning the 1940 election over Republican candidate Wendell Willkie, Broosevelt spoke passionately about his insistence that the United States would continue to chart its own political course rather than give in to foreign demands. Of particular note was Broosevelt's commentary on Italian attempts to cast his recent behavior as "unpresidential."
  Broosevelt spent many minutes discussing presidential antics of the past several decades, highlighting Woodrow Wilson's habit of reserving Saturday "for the boys." In a moment of surprising eloquence, Broosevelt remarked, "Of course, the very office of President of the United States is the most bro-like one imaginable. I recently began abbreviating my correspondence BROTUS. My campaign slogan this year was 'Be My Bro' and the voters gave me a ringing endorsement and a mandate to continue American excellence." Broosevelt insisted that his swaggering, blustering demeanor is appropriate, particularly considering recent decisions to allocate yet more resources to military spending, research, and production. Always looking forward to the future, Broosevelt finished his speech by predicting, with customary terseness, "America big. America powerful. America winning."

Italian Government Registers Outrage at American Accusations Roma Tribuna 19 December 1940.-- Only hours after the American President Broosevelt complained about Italian insults, El Douche and the Italian Foreign Ministry released a corrective response. "At no time did we call the American President 'unpresidential.' Instead, we said Broosevelt is 'unpestilential,' intending to signal our praise at the US policy of keeping their noses out of European affairs which do not concern them. In other words, the US is not a pestilence because they stay in their own backyard." When asked about the backyard comment given Italy's recent expansionist policy, El Douche replied "Oh Yea?" The Italian government now is officially awaiting a formal apology for the otherwise understandable mistake.

HONORABLE JAPANESE EMISSARIES BAFFLED BY RUSSIAN SILENCE! Yomiuri Shinbun, 27 December 1940. Tokyo: Earlier this week, a ten-man delegation of Japanese officials returned to Tokyo after what appears to have an unsuccessful diplomatic mission to Moscow. Officials say that after landing in Moscow, they were not met by their Soviet counterparts. Instead, the Japanese officials wandered around the city for several hours, which led denizens of the Soviet capitol to believe that the city had somehow been invaded. Eventually, Japanese officials believed they had found the office of the Ministry of External Relations; upon further inspection, however, it was discovered that the building was actually a manure storage facility. While impressed by the efficiency of Soviet manure storage, Japanese officials were disappointed by the lack of interaction with Soviet officials.”










German High Command Offers Italian Leader Command of Beleaguered Forces Deustcher Zeitung 1 April 1941. Dateline Berlin. Citing poor performance in basic military maneuvers and a lack of strategic thinking, the Fuhrer Audolph Gatler made a historic offer: complete command of the German armed forces. In a national radio speech Gatler said "We a need Douche like you, our Italian friend, to achieve real success." El Douche spent the afternoon contemplating the offer before releasing an official response. In that response the Italian leader noted that history has forced this burden upon him and that he could not refuse the clarion call of destiny. In his first official act, the new supreme Axis commander diverted 50% of the German war materials to Italian factories. Apparently the Italian was industry is more efficient and less expensive. Plans for new battle uniforms are said to be in the works. El Douche has also decided to remove all of the screen doors on German ships and replace them with solid metal doors. 


Valiant Italians Under El Douche Liebrate Tehran, Help With Invasion of Russia. Deutscher Zeitung 3 May 1941. Dateline Warsaw. Having turned over supreme command to El Douche, morale in the Wehrmacht has soared. The original invasion plan of Russia ("hope for the best") was replaced with actual attacks and ground strikes by the Luftwaffe. As a result the Germans achieved significant breakthroughs and pocketed large segments of the Soviet army. Said one German general, "Ve are so thankful for the Douche, he brings a cleansing spirit to our war effort!" Meanwhile in Persia the Italian army went into action, seizing the capital Tehran and forcing the rebellious Persians to surrender and join the Axis cause. The victory so was swift and complete that rumors have it that the Afghan government is seeking an alliance with Italy.


Forgotten Soldiers in a Forgotten Conflict Kunming Gazette June 14, 1941--KWEI-YANG: There is a crisis happening right now, and you've probably never heard of it. Soldiers are dying--not from war, not from disease, not from starvation, but from a lack of attention. Throughout southern and central China, Nationalist Chinese forces, seemingly forgotten by their Japanese counterparts, have been suffering silently since February, when they last saw action. Japanese attention, once so enraptured by Chinese forces, has shifted far to the north, where the Second Russo-Japanese War is spreading through Manchuria. Chinese units, once the primary focus of Japanese war efforts, have begun wasting away with nothing to do but maintain garrisons in cities and hold mountain passes. For a people that thrive on receiving attention from outsiders, this state of affairs is nothing short of disastrous; the farms of peasants can only fill so many soldiers' bellies, with the remaining millions left relying on Japanese war plans and Western press. Please, Prime Minister Obenshojo, think of the poor Chinese soldiers.
























An Allied perspective on the Eastern Front...





















A War for Peace and Stability Yomiuri Shinbun, 22 October 1941. Tokyo: Today, the Empire of Japan has shown that, unlike countless other nations, it will not be pushed around by Western powers. After months of saber-rattling by the United States and Britain, an imperial declaration stated that there “could be no solution to the Western menace other than total war.” The declaration went on to state that “President Broosevelt has, with malicious intent, worked to destabilize the East with the goal of usurping the authority of ancient and righteous governments. Today, our Empire cries out as one: ‘America bad, America dishonorable!’ Furthermore, our Empire seeks to liberate those lands which has been occupied by British invaders.” Time will tell how the war might go, but many Japanese subjects are already planning for vacations in the provinces formerly known as the Philippines, the Dutch East Indies, and Hawai’i. 





























Germany Celebrates "We Love and Appreciate Italy Day" Deutsche Zeitung 6 Feb 1942. Dateline Berlin. Acknowledging the contributions of the Italian armed forces and the leadership of El Douche, Germany declared 6 Feb thereafter to be a national holiday to celebrate all thing Italian. In a speech broadcast across the world, the Fuhrer was lavish in his praise. "Vithout ze Italians, there would be no greater Reich, no hope for peace, and no high quality pasta." Italian strategists are widely credited for the German successes in the Soviet Union, more recently in Scotland, for the early victories in Poland and France, and for the shocking wins of the Japanese in China and Siberia. Furthermore, the Italians are now acknowledged as having invented technology and the concept of fun. "On zis day, ve are all Italians!" proclaimed the Fuhrer. A mass movement is afoot in America to establish a similar national holiday. 


Britain's Bravest Give up on Britain, Abandon Millions to Their Fate. London Times 8 Feb 1942. Dateline London. In a public address delivered at Heathrow airport, PM of Britain, Dosh Garnit, announced that was giving up on the people on England. "You hardly deserved the kind of leader I am," said Garnit, "I would not even switch my laundry day for any of you rapscallions." The harshness of the words were left unexplained as he boarded a plane for an undisclosed location. PM Garnit continues to draw a salary despite his open abandonment of his position, even though this reporter has learned that His Majesty's government has suspended his passport. The true leader of Britain, King Hines V, explained: "We are losing the war. Garnit's leadership has managed to bring us this far, so we must hope that he will return to us and finish the job." Two unconfirmed reports suggest that Dosh Garnit has been offered political asylum in Italy, Germany, and the United States. This reporter will say, however, that as Darnit's plane was leaving he thought he heard the voice of the PM saying "God Save the King!"

Kremlin Releases First Official Announcement of 1942. Tass 9 Feb 1942. This week, the Kremlin 2 released their first press statement in months, broadcasting to the world for all who would listen. Excerpts from the speech included justification for the current state of the nation, now fighting in brutally outnumbered and outgunned engagements along the Volga river, as well as a heartfelt command for good spirits across the nation. The peoples of occupied Russia were advised to sharpen their plows and to await any opportunity to strike at the German oppressors. Highlights from the speech include:
- "The noble incompetence of my predecessor cannot be overstated, particularly in light of the costly resolution of the Manchurian dispute, whose unfavorable result should be attributed entirely to him. His family is now atoning in a Soviet volunteer work camp."
- "Our Russian armies are already beginning to envelop the enemy, forcing him into costly engagements and poorly executed attacks. Our aircraft tear his from the skies (condolences to the families of the pilots lost in battle) and our reserves are ever ready to move forward again."
- "Any children above the age of 12 are now to be registered for future enlistment. Might be actual enlistment."
- "Make ready for war, Soviet peoples. Our time will come again. Our time has come."









Absent German Leadership Cedes Power to Italian High Command Deutsche Zeitung 3 March 1942. Dateline Berlin. Germans everywhere were stunned but apparently secretly pleased when the leader of Germany, Herr Crockerabsent, agreed in principle to an annexation of Germany by Italy. After a crushing defeat in the European Basketball Finals apparently Crocketabsent had a breakdown of confidence. "My jumpshot is not good enough, so I must turn to those who can really play. Dis vill form a greater reich under the leadership of El Douche. He has proven to be everything that the people of Europe have ever needed and wanted, and I have seen his outside shot, which is not actually too bad." Chancellor Galeforce immediately disputed the announcement and has called for a national referendum on the issue. Current polling has the nation split, 46% in favor of union and 46% against, with a critical 8% of the vote undecided (12% to the numerically challenged). 

Hot from the funny papers in the United States....