October 21st, 2018

 

World in Flames: Fall 2018 Campaign

     “Hurr Blurr"

Roster:

Germany: Austin "The Fuhrer Fury" Obenshain
Japan: Alex Abbott
Italy: Chris "T2" Thompson
Commonwealth: Hight
USA/China: James Frusetta
France/Russia: Tyler Hines
  

Bids:                                    

Germany (2)                              
Japan (0)                                   
Italy (1)                                   
Commonwealth (0)
USA/China (-5) (Whaaat?)
France/Russia (2)

 

 

Sept/Oct 1939: Germany sets up with most of its army in the west on the Belgian and French border. As the turn opens, the Germans push into Poland, take Poznan without loss, and reposition in the west. Could this be the vaunted 'France first' strategy? The Allies take no chances and launch ground strikes on the German line in the west, hoping to disrupt the coming attack. Several German lead units are flipped, but the HQs are both missed. On the next Axis impulse, all fears are confirmed. The weather stays clear and the Germans declare war on Denmark and Belgium. Liege falls without loss and the Germans press forward. Unfortunately for the Germans, they are underprepared for this early two front war, and gaps in the eastern line allow a Polish unit to sack Breslau. The Germans overrun the Polish navy, but it escapes to fight with the Commonwealth. Mid-turn the Germans assault Brussels but the attack goes awry, and the Germans lose an ENG and Mech Div to a single Belgian casualty. The Commonwealth rush units to the area and reinforce the capital. Impulse 7 sees the weather turn sour and the Germans halt operations to test the mettle of the Royal Navy in the North Sea. The battle is a slugfest, with the Germans losing the BC Holstein sunk, BC Schleswig and CAs Blucher, Deutschland, and Scharnhorst damaged. The Brits lose the CA Suffolk and see the BB Ramilles and CA Edinburgh damaged. 
  Meanwhile, the Italians build up on the Egyptian border. Is there some kind of conspiracy against the Commonwealth developing?
  The Soviets see the German move and demand Bessarabia early. The Germans support the claim and then support the Hungarian and Bulgarian claims on Rumanian territory as well. British long range bombers hit Berlin (-2 BPs) and Japanese bombers take 1 BP from the beleaguered Chinese.  
  The Japanese take advantage of overextended Chinese lines and attack in the far north. A low-odds groundstrike flips both units (which were out of supply). The attack is good but not ideal, and the Japanese take one INF loss while killing both Chinese defenders. The Japanese then snake units forward around the flank, flipping a unit next to Lan-Chow, but out of supply and far away from the lines. The Chinese try to respond, but have few resources and units. The Japanese press on all fronts.
  Near the end of the turn the Royal Navy sorties and the Germans blunder into the Brits. The CA Newcastle is damaged while the Graf Spee and Adminral Hipper are damaged for the Germans. The turns with a whimper, but runs surprisingly long (9 total impulses). As the Axis go last, initiative shifts towards the center. The US sends resources to China and occupies Greenland Iceland, but there is no tension.

 

Nov/Dec 1939: The Axis win initiative and elect to go first. The weather is average for the season, so lots of mud. The Germans muster the courage to assault Brussels despite the poor weather and are rewarded with an average result on below average odds - 1 unit lost. But the front grinds to a quick halt. German bombers strike at British factories, but miss. Not wanting the Poles to forget them, the Germans muster up forces and retake Breslau without loss. A cohesive front is once again estbalished on the Polish-German border. The CW repositions naval units and lands more forces in Belgium to support the allies. Italy continues a monstrous buildup in Libya. The Soviets spread out on the Polish border but have not demanded territory in Poland or the Baltic States.
  The Japanese continue their onslaught, assaulting Chang-sha and rolling ridiculously well (an '18') to take it without loss. Media coverage is suppressed, but the war crimes committed there do leak back to the world eyes. The Chinese line looks increasingly precarious. The CW and France send resources from the start of the turn to bolster the flagging Chinese, but their losses are heavy.
  The turns with the Axis again, giving them now consecutive turns with extra impulses. The US passes Selective Service, which finally causes tension, and starts Chinese A/C.

 

Jan/Feb 1940: In a typically poor weather turn, the Allies win initiative but elect to have the Axis move first. The weather is above average - lots of mud and no snow. The Germans seek to take advantage and once again assault Brussels. The City is now packed with British and Irish veterans. The first attack is well done, causing a CW loss to no German losses. Morale remains high, however, and reinforcements are rushed to the area, replacing the loss. The Germans, having used their HQs to reorganize, order their forces forward again. This time the Irish and Scottish lead element bloody the German nose - (3/1) is the result! A CW corps dies, but two Ger INF and an ART do as well. The Germans take our their frustrations on the Poles, crushing Katowicz on a +7 assault without loss and taking the two resource points. The rest of the turn they advance menancingly toward Lodz.
  Italy rearranges its forces on the border of France, mostly pulling troops out and reinforcing Libya yet more. The CW have responded by sending an extra corps, but it looks like fascist aggression will again soon prevail. Won't they ever learn?
  Japan grinds up more Chinese, re-establishing a supply link with a corp that ventured around the northern flank on the first turn of the game. More Chinese die horribly as the Japanese have great ground-striking fortune and execute precision attacks. The Japanese line now stretches from just north of Si-an west to just north of Lan-Chow. The Japanese, having taken Chang-sha, attack and secure the resource point in the forest southwest of the city. Chiang is shattered and there is yet more death. To add insult to injury, the Soviets announce a pact with Japan, securing the Japanese border from interference as they oppress the poor Chinese. Mao has been effectively abandoned by Uncle Joe in Moscow. Emboldened by this, the Japanese use political pressure to close the Burma Road. Again, the US does not seem to care. The Japanese have provoked only a single entry chit thus far (the rape of Chang-Sha).
  France and Britain adjust the line, hoping to hold the Germans in Belgium without bleeding too much. Casualties overall have been high on both sides (CW and German). The French pull in some colonial units, but otherwise await the expected summer German offensive.
  The US send BPs to China (that cannot arrive, but oh well) and then agree to escort in the US East Coast. German subs have sortied, although most of the German navy is currently in drydock. The Scharnhorst was repaired, however, giving the Germans a raiding battlecruiser again, and new subs are being built. The Germans do manage to take 1 BP from Manchester in a night raid. British raids (2 of them) were ineffective.

 

Mar/Apr 1940: The turn arrives with clear weather, but the Axis choose to let the Allies go first in an attempt to preserve summer initiative. The CW and France strike the front lines in Belgium, flipping several German front line units. The Germans attack anyway, but the result is disappointing (-/-).  The Royal Navy sorties in the Med, but the Italians hold their nerve and are not provoked. Tensions are rising, however, and many are speculating that the Italians are itching to join the larger war. The Germans clear the final hexes around Lodz and Warsaw, eliminating two Polish corps SE of Lodz on a +8 assault (rolling an 18). The turn briefly sees some bad weather and the Germans reorganize. The weather then clears and the Germans once again assault Brussells, this time taking more casualties (2/1), but the British defenders are growing shockingly thin. At the end of the turn the Germans also assault Lodz, inflicting grevious losses but not quite taking the city (-/1). British bombing missions take 1 BP from Berlin.
  The Japanese maneuver in China, organizing for an assault on Si-an. They basically spend the entire turn ground striking the 4-1 Gar isolated in the south and Si-an itself. This turn, the strikes fail but the Japanese forces are better arrayed.
  No partisans. The US Gifts destroyers to the CW, causing grumbling from the Japanese who seem to believe that their oppressive and illegal war in China should have no consequences. The turn ends on a whimper with no initiative shift.

 

May/June 1940: The summery weather in April is followed by a season of storms in May. The Allies win initiative despite a request for a re-roll by the Axis. The Allies go first to try and strengthen their line in Belgium. The turn will go long and it will be bloody.
  The Allies, with the initiative, use the opportunity to reinforce Brussels. The Germans are taking losses, but so are the British, who by the end of the turn will have lost several corps, 2 DIVs, a TAC and 2 FTRs just in Belgium. German losses have been similar, with slightly more ground loss and slightly less air loss. The early bad weather makes the Germans think twice, and they wait to renew their western offensive. Instead, they send the subs out in the bad weather to try and find CW convoys. The intrepid mariners, however, are equal to the task, and the subs find nothing. The next impulse, the weather clears. The Allies rally and ground strike the German front lines. They miss the German HQs, but do manage to flip 3 German corps on the front lines, forcing the Germans to reorganize and wait an impulse. The gamble pays off, as the weather again turns sour, delaying the Germans yet again. Another round of naval sorties by the Kriegsmarine yields no contact with CW convoys. Then the weather clears again. The Germans, now face-up and ready, assault Brussels again. The battle is bloody (result is 2/2) and it leaves the CW with, well, not much. The Allies are fearful that the turn will end and then give the Axis first move against a Brussels defended by a single unit. But the turn continues. The CW and the French agree to give the dogged Brits a rest and the French take over the defense of the city. That same impulse the Germans assault Lodz again, killing yet another defender but not taking the city (although they do shoot down the Polish TAC). The British advisors to the Poles then rashly advise a counter-attack to try and kill the German HQ, but the attack goes badly awry despite seemingly good chances for success. Lodz is now fatally weakened.
  With the turn about to end at any moment (on the last spot on the impulse track), the Italians declare war on the French and the British, and then the Axis pass to end the turn. The US takes notice (one chit for Italian DOW). Although this might seem an odd strategy to enter the war and then pass, two impulses previous the Soviets occupied eastern Poland and threatened to break the Nazi-Soviet Pact as their troops surged forward to the border! The Germans rush troops to avoid this potential disaster, narrowly preventing the Soviets from breaking the pact at the end of the turn. 
  Meanwhile, the Japanese enjoy a ridiculously good turn. They successfully ground strike Si-an and then launch a low-odds (+5) attack, but continue to see success on attacks (not having failed one yet), getting a modified '21' and taking the city. Mao is shattered and so is the Chinese line. The Chinese scramble and manage to fall back to the mountain line, but the Japanese not only get an additional resource (and deny the Chinese one), they get breathing room for anti-partisan duties. The constricted front seems more stable now (briefly), but the Chinese are on the retreat. The Japanese cannot control their forces in the victory, and behead an estimated 200,000 innocent Chinese civilians in Si-An, causing outrage in the United States. The US in response not only embargoes strategic materials, they also freeze Japanese assets (no tension on the first, tension on the second). With Italy now in the war, the US has canceled its trade agreement with Italy and is seeking to impose sanctions as soon as possible. The Allies need an arsenal for democracy.

July/Aug 1940: The Axis win initiative despite an Allied reroll, and the Axis start with a bang. The Germans say "genug ist genug" and drop a chit, obliterating the French defenders in Brussels without loss, shooting down another CW TAC and a French FTR to boot. The Germans also clear Lodz and prepare to take out Poland. There is some worry, however, as the Soviets are piling up on the border with nearly enough units to break the Nazi-Soviet pact. The German gamble to split his forces is now starting to show cracks as he does not have enough forces to dominate France and eliminate Poland and keep the Soviets in check. The Italians, newly in the war, elect to surge forward into Egypt and advance slowly towards Alexandria. In the Allied impulse the CW navy sorties to cut supply to Africa, and they are initially successful, sinking the San Giorgio and a CNV point to no losses. A pesky Italian NAV in the eastern Med evades the CW for 5 impulse until it is finally aborted on the last impulse of the turn. On the next Axis impulse the Germans push again in France, but a groundstrike fails and they lose a TAC to the French. More worryingly, a 5:1 attack on Warsaw goes awry, flipping the entire German army in Poland and leaving a single corps still in the capital. Soviet units surge forward again seeking to break the pact. The Germans spend the rest of the turn hurrying units to the east to prevent it (taking combined actions to ferry units over fast enough). The pact remains intact. To make themselves feel better, the Germans crush the Netherlands in impulse 3, killing the defenders and knocking out one CNV. The rest flee to fight with the British. The Italians and the Allies play cat-and-mouse in the Med as the Italians use any impulse when they are in supply to advance. By turn's end, six corps, an ART, and three planes (2 TAC and 1 FTR) are adjacent to Alexandria. The Italian navy sorties into the Western Med to secure supply and there are two rounds of combat with the Royal Navy and some French escorts. The French lose 3 CAs and the Italians 1 CA in some poor Allied naval rolls, but the battle is not decisive. The Italians do conquer A-E Sudan while the British take Somilialand. Two German subs are damaged in CNV raiding. A convoy is lost, but the CW get the chance to repair the lines before the turn ends. The Italians and the Germans both take 1 BP loss to pesky British strategic bombing.
  Meanwhile, back at the Chinese ranch, the Japanese continue their quest to groundstrike every Chinese citizen. They do flip Chiang, but otherwise the front is static as the weather is bad all turn in North Monsoon. Siam is brought into the war as a Japanese ally and the Americans are outraged to learn that anyone would support them. At turn's end the US has Edward R. Murrow and then activates land-based air escorts, the latter of which palpably builds tension.

Sept/Oct 1940:  The Axis narrowly win initiative, but the weather immediately takes a nasty turn (roll of '10'). The Germans reorganize their line on both fronts. The Italians sail out and establish supply to their forces in Egypt. The next impulse the weather clears and the Germans and Italians launch all out attacks. The Germans try a +3 blitz in Belgium that goes horribly awry, causing two quality German casualties. Their attack in Poland, however, goes off without a hitch - if a hitch means no losses and the Germans all flip. The Italians assault Alexandria, but the British are ready for them and the attack causes one Italian casualty and most of the Italian army flips. In the lead up the Italians lose a TAC in combat. On the ensuing impulse, the British take a combined. They find and sink the Duc d'Aosta, cutting the Italians out of supply, The Brits then kill the Italian MECH and the Libyan TER in consecutive impulses. The Italians flee westward. The weather in impulse 5 turns bad again, but the Germans do manage to take a BP from Glasgow. The British reply, taking a BP from Brussels and shooting down a German FTR in the process. The weather clears again partly in impulse 7, and the Germans renew their offensive, attacking into southern Belgium against the French. The brave French hold their ground (1/1 result). German air superiority is beginning to take its toll, however.
  The Japanese seek to gain advantage before attacking in China, but fail their groundstrikes throughout the turn. After some maneuvering, no attacks are made, but the Japanese army has largely reoriented to place its strength in southern China. The US does not take any entry options.

Nov/Dec 1940: The weather starts middlin, but the Germans are feeling testy. They assault and take Warsaw without loss (rolled '18' on +8 assault), finally conquering the Poles. The weather precludes much in the west until the end of the turn. On impulse 5 the weather clears and the Germans blitz the southern forest hex in Belgium, removing the French defenders easily.
  The Brits seek to cut off the retreating Italians and finally locate the Italian NAV maintaining supply. Despite +5 odds in the air battle, the Italians shoot down a 3 point FTR and two CVPs before finally dying at the hands of the last CW carrier plane. Italy decides to reestablish supply to what remains of their forces in western Egypt, and they add insult to injury by brutally surprising the British in the Western Med. When the smoke clears, the CA Kent and Effingham are sunk, the BB Malaya is damaged, and the rest of the fleet is scattered. The Italians lose the CA Abruzzi but take no other losses. The British lick their wounds and abandon the sea zone. The Italians manage to exit Egypt without further losses thanks to their naval action.
  The Soviets, seeing an opportunity, occupy the Baltic States (irritating the US along the way), hoping to build up on the German border and provoke war. The Germans avert disaster with their fortunate attack on Warsaw, so the Soviets miss their chance in 1940 to open a new front against the Axis. Still, the pressure on the Germans to maintain that front is significant and the Soviet army is piling up in Poland.
  The Japanese, envious of the Axis success, launch an offensive of their own in southern China, attacking the resource hex. The ground strike is unreasonably successful (flipping two defenders) but the attack is poorly coordinated - the Japanese roll the dreaded '14' (3/1 losses). The Chinese player breathes an audible sigh of relief. Seeing this bold and reckless behavior, the US decides to Gear Up production and start actually preparing for war.

Jan/Feb 1941: The Allies lose initiative again; the Axis move first. The weather starts out typical for January. The Germans, seeking to restart their western offensive, launch a major attack against the French in poor weather. The resolute French defenders hold, causing the loss of a German ENG. Both the Soviets and the Germans are busy building up directly their mutual border. The Italians shift back west towards Tripoli with the British in pursuit. No naval battles happen, but the Brits do score 2 BPs worth of strategic damage against Milan.
  The Japanese reposition in southern China, but their groundstrikes fail and no attacks are launched.
  The weather presently turns bad ('11' on the chart). Not much happens and then the turn ends. A quick turn. The US finally gains the resolve to resist Japanese aggression and reopens the Burma Road.

Mar/April 1941: Yet again the Axis win initiative and elect to go first. The weather clears world-wide and the Axis set to work. The Germans start with a +8 blitz against the French in Belgium, but once against the stalwart defenders repulse the Germans, causing a MOT DIV loss to one loss of their own. The Germans push more units to the Soviet border as well. Meanwhile the British work to cut off the Italians in Africa, but repeated fail in their attempts to locate the supply lines. They finally manage to cut supply and then invade behind Benghazi, cutting off two Italian corps (including the HQ). At the end of the turn the Brits manage enough impulses to advance forward and eliminate the Italians in Benghazi, clearing the way to Tripoli (+10 blitz succeeds). Some Italian corps escaped, however, leaving the Italians with 3 corps to defend the Libyan capital.
  The Japanese use the clear season in southern China to grind up more Chinese defenders. An early attack nets the forest resource point in China (+9 assault, 1/2S) and a later attack clears the mountain rail line that connects the resource (+8 assault, rolls 16 to complete success at 24). The Americans grumble that the Japanese have made 8 mid-range assaults and only failed one of them.
  At turn's end the Italians push into French Somaliland, conquering it, but no one showed up for the celebratory parade. The Germans take 1 BP from Lyon to reduce French builds.

May/June 1941: The Allies finally secure initiative and take it. The weather, however, reverts to wintery mess for the first impulse. The CW take a naval and move a large fleet with TRS and AMPH into the Italian coast, loaded with troops. The French briefly reorganize their lines and prepare for more expected German attacks. The Chinese are starting to panic, but they still have a line and now there are fewer obvious benefits to renewed Japanese attacks since the loss of the resources in the south. Will China gain a reprieve or will Japan seek a decisive, fatal blow?
  Axis impulse 2 the Italians decide they must defend their homeland and sortie their fleet! A major naval battle ensues, but the CW CVs win the day. One round of combat is fought. The CW loses a CVP to anti-aircraft fire, but the CAs Glorizia and Pola are sunk while the BB Impero and CAs Garibaldi and Bolzano are damaged. The Germans prepare for new attacks in the west and the Japanese start moving their MAR and DIVs to the coast - out of the inland areas of China.
  Allied impulse three sees the CW invade Italy! The brave Brits take a +7 assault on Bari in southern Italy and get ashore. They lose one unit and flip, but the beachhead is established. British bombers simultaneously hit Trieste, taking 1 BP from the Italians. Taranto has only a 1-1 DIV defending it, but the Italians move to reinforce, sending a crack MECH southward and repositioning other forces. The Germans take a +10 blitz in Belgium against the French and smash the French completely, opening the way into France. The next impulse (Axis 6) the Germans indeed take a +12 blitz and smash another stack of French defenders - the Germans are finally in France.
  The turn ends with the British landing one additional corps in Italy to reinforce the beachhead, but no further progress is made. The Italians manage to reinforce Taranto with another DIV, but that is all. The US is oddly quiet at the turn's end.

July/August 1941: The Allies need a reroll but secure initiative. The British start with a naval, and surprise the BB Guilo Cesare, sinking it off the coast of Italy. A major fleet loaded with a MAR and some DIVs appears in the North Sea as well.  Unfortunately for the Wehrmacht, the line is becoming thin with forces having to peel off to do garrison duty in Poland and the French muster up some courage and attack. It is pure success, killing a German INF and MOT DIV and reclaiming the French territory. The Germans, however, take advantage of the clear terrain and blitz the hex west of Metz, killing the two defenders without loss and once again advance forward into France. The Western Front has been exceedingly bloody with plenty of casualties all around.
  In impulse 4 the Germans decide to assault the fortress city of Metz, having extra hexes around it. The attack is yet another bloody affair, but the Germans take the city (2/2 result). The resulting casualties, however, leave the German line again thinned. Two impulses later the French counterattack (+9 assault), killing a German 9-6 ARM in the hex west of Metz. The Germans retain Metz, but they are paying a price for their advances.
  Meanwhile the CW invade the hex just north of Kiel on Allied impulse 3! The attack is a success (no losses going in) despite heavy German air defense. The Germans react but cannot quite get corps into Kiel. So the Brits advance and seize the canal, forcing the German fleet to rebase. The CW ENG races over Denmark, although a German DIV holds Copenhagen. The Brits do not have anything to reinforce the landing, but hold Kiel firmly for the moment. Three German corps have to leave the French front to cordon off the incursion.
  The Brits do land two additional units in Italy and expand a hex, but not before the Italians push their big MECH into Taranto. The Italians seek to provide naval support in case of attack. Italian luck continues to hold as they shoot down the best British FTR (at -3 odds on the AA table...) and then shoot down two CW CVPS in the naval battle. The BB Vittorio Veneto and CA Zara are damaged, however. Seeking revenge, at the turn's end the CW bomb both Italy and Germany. Italy loses 3 BPs over the turn and the Germans lose 4 BPs plus the use of a resource for the turn. The Italians do manage to sink the French CNVs in the Western Med, but the economic damage to the Axis is serious.
  The Soviets build up against the Germans continues and their army on the border is starting to look impressive. It is difficult to imagine that 1942 will not bring yet another entrant into the war.
  The Japanese continue to move units to the coast and near the end of the turn sail out the fleet which relocates from Japan to outlying ports, including Truk. Units and supporting TRS and AMPH are scattered in key locations. The Japanese pull back in the north of China, but the turn ends before the Commies can claim the vacated resource next to Lan-Chow. Tensions with the US seem to be rising, but at the turn's end the US picks no options, content to build. The only item of interest is that the US is heavily fortifying the Hawaiian Islands, which is now loaded with FLAK and Honolulu also has a coastal fort. The turn ends at average length.

Sept/Oct 1941: The Allies desperately want initiative, but despite demanding a reroll the Axis win initiative. The weather stays mostly clear in the Temperate zone (roll of 6, only muddy in the arctic and north monsoon).

TURN IN PROGRESS...

 

 

 

WAR NEWS!

"Germans Attack Poland, Cry 'Oops, Takebacks'" Dateline Berlin. AP Newswire. 7 Sept 1939. After declaring war on Poland and viciously attacking forward elements of the Polish army at Poznan, the Fuhrer Obenshain has apparantly has had a change of heart. No doubt the stiff defense of the valiant Poles caused the dictator to think twice about continuing the conflict, which has now killed thousands of German and Polish civilians. After the initial invasion, crack Polish cavalry units swept around the German southern line and sacked Breslau, causing devastation not seen in Germany since the Great War riots. "We are tired of being the doormat of Europe," said Minister LodZagyswiscz, "It is time our neighbors understood how serious the Polish people are. We will defend our sovereignity!" Germany oddly then declared war on Belgium, seeking an easier opponent. The Belgiques ceded Liege but then stiffened their resistance at Brussels, managing to hold the capital city until brave and just reinforcements from the United Kingdom arrived to support them. The French were there too.

"Rump Nationalist Holdouts from the Long March Disband, Coincides with Japanese Onslaught" Dateline Si-An. Setting Sun Newswire. 10 Sept 1939. Longtime holdouts remaining loyal to Chiang Kai-Shek in the northern part of China, normally a stronghold of communist units under the command of Mao, have finally been disbanded. The units agreed to surrender their arms and return to southern China. Just as this transfer was nearly complete, the Japanese army launched a brutal attack against the now disarmed northern units. Fortunately for the Japanese, the lack of bullets reduced the fighting effectiveness of the Chinese defenders. Japanese casualties are estimated to be only at 40%.  Japanese news sources are claiming a great victory, but the truth must be told.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soviet Troops Adopt New Motto, Anthem. Port Arthur. Manchurian Candidate News. January 12, 1940. Following the recent decision to avoid confrontation with the Imperial Japanese Army, members of the Soviet High Command adopted a new motto and a new anthem for their army units. Moving on from the old and outdated "Death to capitalists," the Red Army will now have "We bow only to the Japanese" on all of their uniforms and documents. This motto was a significant Japanese demand in the recent non-aggression pact signed by the two nations. Furthermore, the Red Army has adopted a new anthem to represent its recent heroism. An excerpt from the new anthem is printed below: 

"The brave Red army ran away /
The army bravely ran away /
The Japanese Army threatened war /
So the Soviets recalled all their corps /
The Soviets needed boots to lick /
They gave in to the Nippon awful quick /
The bravest of the brave, Red Army!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Japan Declared "Evil" by League of Nations, Expelled from League Dateline Si-an, 3 June 1940. After years of intense fighting in the Sino-Japanese conflict, evidence is mounting that the Japanese are employing weapons and tactics that directly contravene the protocols of war passed by the League of Nations. Japan is a signatory to this accord. Yesterday a brave American reported smuggled pictures out of the Chinese city of Si-an, providing conclusive proof to the world that regular Japanese military units are committing atrocities. Chinese citizens are being forced to serve tea at non-standard hours (one picture clearly shows a clock in the background, indicating that the Japanese are forcing Chinese servants to serve beverages after 9pm and before 11am in direct violation of the Tea Service Act. As our readers will know, the TSA was revised in 1927 to include Saki and similar beverages. The Japanese have no excuse. There were also reports of mass beheadings, torture, and biological experiments being performed on captured soldiers and civilians, but the League rightly took up the more important issue first. Japanese intransigence forced Great Britain to make a motion to censure Japan for violating the TSA, which then resulted in the Japanese insulting the members of that august body. The Indian representative then made a motion to expel Japan, noting that their beverage behavior was "Evil." The resolution was overwhelmingly passed, with only Italy and Japan voting against (although several nations did abstain). The Japanese delegate to the League was heard to say "We will get those pesky Indians..." as he walked out in shame. The issue of some 600,000 murdered Chinese citizens was then tabled for lack of time.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Belgium Waffles! Berlin, Kladderadatsch 18 July 1940. After months of fighting, British forces in Brussels could no longer hold against the might of the German Army and forced their French subordinates to rush to the front lines. Once the wind changed and the Germans realized that Frenchmen were defending the city, it was decided that yet another assault would occur. Rundstedt rallied the troops by saying, "Seventh time is the charm!" and the battle began with German troops advancing once more toward the city. The initial French reaction was to sing "La Marseillaise" as loudly as possible in order to create an emotional diversion. Once the French realized that their anthem was causing many of their own soldiers to flee back to France, they changed tactics by catapulting cattle onto the German lines. German officers had prepared for this medieval method of warfare, however, and had the 9th Anti-Livestock Division take point to combat the bovine bombardment. In what came as a shock to no one except the French, the Germans were able to quickly take the city without loss. Reacting to the victory, the Fuhrer is quoted as saying, "The fall of Brussels sprouts a new wave of optimism in the hearts of the German people.  Give us another year and we'll take Paris!" In celebration of the fall of Brussels, the Fuhrer decided to declare war on the Netherlands; fortunately, German troops did not get clogged in the land of the Dutch and Amsterdam fell within a day. 

Italians Suffer Catastrophic Naval Losses as New French Naval Tactic Proves Its Worth. Dateline Toulon Le Monde 28 July 1940. The pride of the Italian fleet, the heavy cruiser E. Di Savioia, sank with a loss of all hands last night. The clever French naval masterminds fixed torpedoes to the bows of their ships and repeatedly rammed the Italian ship. Although it took the Colbert, the Primaguet, and the Dugouy Trouin, the E. Di Savioia went to the bottom of the sea as the merciless French mariners refused to leave the battle until every last French vessel had had its chance to ram the Italians. "This represents a new high point in French battle tactics," said Admiral Louie "not Nappy" LeSinq. "We have converted our concept of elan to the seas! The world must tremble!"

British Royal Navy Cowers Behind French Allies as the Outnumbered Italian Navy Bravely Reestablishes Supply Lines. Dateline Rome La Travesti del Newso 29 July 1940. In one of the first major sea battles to come in the Mediterranean Sea, the Italian Navy took on a combined French and British Fleet. As the Italian Navy steamed out to reestablish their cut supply lines, the British Navy launched an all-out Air attack, however, they only slightly damaged one Italian ship due to incredible anti-air fire from the Italian fleet. As the planes returned to their carries, the Italian Fleet slammed into the French cruiser screen and suck three French cruisers, the Colbert, the Primaguet, and the Dugouy Trouin. The Italian lost an ancient battle cruiser in the exchange, the E. Di Savioia. The British Navy now seeing there were no ally ships to sacrifice to save their own ships turned tail and ran from the Italian Navy; which allowed them to escape as their goal to reestablish their supply lines was complete. The British Navy, like their army, is showing that their main battle tactics are to sacrifice allied units and then to retreat and flee when the going gets tough.

The Second Great War, One Year Later Berlin, Kladderadatsch 31 July 1940. As the first year of the Second Great War (which, as the Fuhrer predicted, has been "greater" and "war-ier" than the First Great War) winds to a close, we pause and reflect the reasons that we, the righteous German peoples, find ourselves at war. As we all know, the war began when Polish forces, at the behest of their Belgian overlords, crossed over into German territory and sacked the city of Breslau. Not to be distracted by the puppet, the Fuhrer immediately declared war on Belgium. Unfortunately, the British and French were to blind to the scheming ways of the Belgians and decided to declare war on our Germany. Denmark, in her wisdom, decided to join the German cause after some careful deliberation and gentle German persuasion. Breslau was retaken and the Poles immediately fled toward Warsaw, hoping to find some nice places to hide. In its excitement to punish Poland for its aggression, the USSR sent troops so quickly into eastern Poland that they almost tripped and fired on German troops guarding the new German border; fortunately, no bullets were actually fired and the political/military situation in eastern Europe can continue to exist as it currently does without any changes whatsoever. Everything has been fine, everything is fine, and everything will continue to be fine. 

Drumbeat of Another War? Dateline Brest-Litovsk. Pravda 17 August 1940. War between the Soviet Union and Germany edges ever closer as Germany seeks to take Warsaw. The race is on now as to who will declare war first. The Glorious Soviet Union will have success over the dastardly Germans. Meanwhile in the other end of Europe, the war rages on between Germany and the French & English. Germany hasn’t broken the French lines yet as they still try to conquer Belgium. The French are holding strong against the Germans and will not be conquered by the enemy. Viva la France! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

United States whines, moans its way to gearing up. Washington DC (AP) — Public opinion in America backs President Franklin Delano Froosevelt's new armament program, but it's not enough for the beleaguered American president. Thursday, he took to the airwaves, exhorting the Axis powers to do more. "C'mon Germany, Japan" he begged, "Can't you commit some atrocities? Maybe conquer France?"
  FDF rejected the shocked comments of the French and Soviet Press, noting that these were "totally lame" countries whose failure to collapse in the front of the Nazi onslaught was "terrible, just terrible" and preventing America from building a "completely great, just great war machine." Republican leaders in the house questioned Roosevelt's motives. "America has remained a great nation by staying out of foreign wars," Senate Minority Leader Charles McNary (R-OR) said in a rousing speech, "Just how much more will Froosevelt demand we spend on our military?" Froosevelt issued a press directive in response that simply stated "250% as much, next month." "If France and the UK continue to do well," Froosevelt complained early Thursday, "America won't have the chance to turn the war around. Only our Chinese allies, by continuing their continued failure to account themselves well, are helping America." But Thursday evening, Froosevelt changed course: "A failed Japanese attack? Fake rolls. Fake rolls — just not true."
  Following a complaint by the Chinese Embassy, Froosevelt defended himself. "I like the Chinese. Great food. I had it last night. How could I dislike them? Big fan of the bang bang duck. Now let the Japanese bang bang and don't duck, so I can get in the war." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

European Axis Miss Out on Tasty Treats Canton, China. Delicacies and Donuts. March 18, 1941. Claiming to be "disappointed, but not surprised" by his erstwhile allies' failure to appear at the Axis powers' annual donut summit, Japanese Minister of Munitions and Foodstuffs M. Earl Less-Gassy nonetheless attended and enjoyed the conference in southern China. Major items of business included the approval of experimental fillings for donuts (raspberry and blueberry look like the most promising substances) and the global outlawing of German cookies for not being sweet enough. Both items passed unanimously, with a vote of one in favor and none against. The reason for the Italian and German delegations' absences are unclear, but rumors abound that Italian chefs were among the lead elements captured in British raids on Sardinia, while German food ambassadors were stopped by unarmed French policemen on the Belgian border. 
  In unrelated news, British Prime Minister Winston Churchight has diverted significant resources from Southeast Asia in an effort to boost European pastry production. His goal is to match Japanese treat output by the summer of 1942. Surely this will have no ill consequences for  millions of Bengali subsistence farmers.